We'd thought about getting an Uber driver, but there weren't many on Christmas morning and we didn't want to risk being late. Driving ourselves meant we could stop at James' favorite breakfast spot, so that was good...
But when we got to the airport, the far-out parking lot was blocked off. So was the close-in parking. When we headed out the gate, the attendant told us that everything was full except for the $23 per day garage. Even remote parking? Yep. Wow.
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We circled the airport and came back in, but there were zero spots in the garage closest to the terminal. So I dropped James, Daphne, Mal, and all of our bags off at the front of that garage and made a beeline to the furthest end of the second garage, because I didn't feel like driving around for hours.
I parked, made a note of where I'd left the van, and headed to the front of the garage to help get the bags into the terminal. This I will call "POOR COMMUNICATIONS INCIDENT #1." I thought James and the kids would be where I left them. James thought the plan was to get the bags over and ready to check in (which seemed impossible to me, as we each had 2 checked items, as well as carry-ons, and Mal is sort of a jerk about helping with that sort of thing).
When I arrived at the elevator where I was certain I dropped them off, my family was not there. I went up the stairs, but it was open air and that wasn't right. I went downstairs, but I knew we hadn't been on the ground floor. I texted James, "Where are you?" Nothing. I texted Daphne. Nothing. I waited a minute, and then I called James. I thought I might even hear his phone ring, but I didn't hear anything. I walked up and down the stairs again. I actually thought about going across to the terminal, but didn't want to get too far away. I could imagine that Mal might be bothered by my having been gone so long. I called James again. Twice. I called Daphne. Neither answered.
At this point, I shouted to the otherwise deserted parking garage, "ANSWER YOUR PHONES!" Strangely, that had no effect. I'm not sure why I started to panic, but I did. The garage wasn't that big. I knew where I'd left them. What the heck?
I was heading downstairs when I saw that I had a voice mail. It was from Daphne. She said, "I can't tell what you're saying." I texted her to call me NOW. She did, and said that they were in the terminal on the first floor. By the time I got to them. I was a sobbing mess. James and I realized our miscommunication, I calmed down, and we headed to check our bags.
There was a line, so we got into it and James started making out tags for the luggage. As it turned out, the line was going amazingly fast, so we had to let people pass us. By the time we got to the front, James had only done a couple of bags, but we went ahead and started processing our stuff.
The counter attendant politely asked for a copy of Mal's birth certificate. "I don't have that." "We have to have it to verify his date of birth." "I don't have it. I didn't know I had to." Guess what? I might have started crying a second time in like eight minutes.
We flew Southwest with Daphne at least three times before she was two, and never had to have any proof of her age. Apparently it's a thing now, and it's on their website. But it would help if it popped up when you tell the site that you're going to have a lap child. I didn't read the whole site, because I've traveled with a baby before (in fact, I traveled with Mal a year ago, but it was on Virgin) and no one has said "boo" about verifying their birth date before.
Fortunately, the attendant talked to someone and said they were giving us a Christmas present by letting us get onto the plane, but that they were noting it in the file and we wouldn't be allowed to board without either his shot records or birth certificate next time. Also fortunately, my sister took her son to our house to feed the cats the other day, and she got a couple of pictures of the birth certificate, so we're set for the flight home. (Whew!)
That out of the way, going through security actually wasn't too bad. They told me I could leave Mal in the carrier and wear him, which never happens. We made it through quickly, though James got frisked. He always does. I guess he looks shady.
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| From December 2015 |
We were through the line about two hours before the plane was supposed to leave, but by the time we regrouped, put our shoes back on, got a snack, used the restroom, and looked around a bit, it was already time to board. The flight was 100% full ON CHRISTMAS DAY! We ended up sitting about 9/10 of the way back, but got a row together. There was a grandma sitting across the aisle from Mal and me, and she made friends with him. She gave us cheese and crackers for Mal and D to share, and she tried to amuse and distract Mal, which was nice.
He actually fell asleep pretty much as we were taxiing, and we took off twenty minutes early! Yay for no stragglers! The boy slept for much of the flight, waking for a little less than an hour. He did fine the whole way, but by the time we landed, he was ready to get up and walk. Since we were in the back, we still had a good ten to fifteen minutes to wait. Great trip, though. Love being early!
We took our time getting to baggage claim, and our stuff was already there. We had to take a bus to the rental center, and for our company, there was a long line. While I waited, James let Mal run off some steam. Twenty-five minutes later, we were on our way to the garage.
Something neat Dollar does here in Phoenix (and might everywhere; I rarely rent cars): The guy looked at our contract and said, "You have a mid-sized SUV... that's aisle E. Pick whichever one you like." So that was fun! We selected a Jeep Patriot 4x4, just in case we encountered winter driving conditions (we did not). THEN we had to wait in line about ten minutes to get out of that garage, since the attendant had to scan stuff and put which vehicle everyone chose. Blehh.
But THEN we were on our way to our Phoenix hotel for the night.
Hotwire picked a winner with the Radisson Phoenix North! Daphne was ready to be "home" for the evening, but James and I walked to a Japanese buffet and grill, and we had quite the Christmas feast.
The next morning, we got up and headed north to Flagstaff. There had been an automobile accident on I-17, so what should have been an hour and forty-five minute trip took us about two and a half hours. Mal slept a bit, but was pretty cranky about being in the car toward the end. It was fun to see the decorated Christmas tree around mile marker 255, and to drive from many saguaro cacti into an alpine forest, where snow had fallen and we could enjoy it on the sides of the road, but not have to deal with it falling or our driving in it!
We arrived in Flagstaff during one of their windiest days, and it was pretty chilly! But at long last, Mal and his cousin Emily got to meet and hang out, and we got to meet baby Konnor.
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| From December 2015 |
After a few hours, both kiddos were tired, so we went to our hotel to check in. Another winner! We had a suite less than 1/2 of a mile from James' brother's house. D had her own room, we had ours, and we had a nice common area.
James and I went to the grocery store after Mal's nap. We loaded up on snacks and freezer food, and it ended up being perfect because Daphne didn't feel like getting out for many of our meals (or she wasn't awake yet!), and she just finished everything up last night before we left. Mal lost his snow boot in the parking lot, but the next day when James went back, they had it in lost and found (despite not having it when I called the night before). Whew!
James' parents got into town that same afternoon, but by the time James' brother got off of work that evening, Mal was ready to go to bed. James went over and visited with his family for a few hours, and the rest of us had a quiet evening in.
Our awesome hotel had a complimentary full breakfast every morning, and not just continental... good stuff! Typically, Mal would wake up early and we'd head to the office so James could sleep a bit longer.
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| From December 2015 |
This whole afternoon was what I will call POOR COMMUNICATIONS INCIDENT #2. We headed downtown because I wanted to eat at The Toasted Owl, and the rest of James' family met us there. His brother, Khrys, had several breweries he wanted to share with James. This was probably like the list we made before Mal was born... we'd picked places we wanted to take James' mom when she was in town. We came up with like 15 places without even thinking too hard. There was no way we'd have time to do them all... and then Mal ended up not being born until she was there, anyway, so we didn't visit more than a couple, anyway.
Our lunch was excellent, and The Toasted Owl was a really neat little place. Mal being the way he is, I had to walk around the restaurant with him before our food came. And after we'd eaten, he was ready to get up and going again, so I followed him around until everyone else was done. One of the breweries happened to be across the street, so we headed over there.
This place is a working brewery, with the "vats" (whatever they're called) out in the open. Mal was very interested, and wanted to touch nobs and pipes and all sorts of things. We went out into the courtyard to listen to music and play while we waited. After a bit, we headed back in to see if maybe Mal would hang out with his cousin and not run all over the place. He didn't. In fact, he almost ducked behind a bar where I couldn't have gotten to him. Back outside.
Mal really enjoyed kicking at the snow with his boots and stomping around in general. He was looking for puddles and found one off of the curb. James came outside and he thought I was leaving, which I wasn't. So he said, "Do you want me to text you when we're done?" I thought he was cutting me loose, which he wasn't. I asked (not too nicely), "How long will that be?" "Ten to fifteen minutes?" "Sure."
So Mal and I walked toward downtown. We went into the train station/visitors center and looked at some memorabilia.
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| From December 2015 |
We made our way to the Historic Route 66 and I pulled my phone out to see where Flagstaff Chocolates might be. We were only a few blocks away! As we walked that way, we passed a sweet shop that sold gelato. We got some awesome stuff with caramel and chocolate chunks, and then went up front to eat it. Although there were plenty of seats for us, people were sitting with a chair between them, with their shopping bags in the other chairs. Grr. We ended up sitting on the floor, but there was a vent that Mal enjoyed playing with while we ate, so it was all good.
We continued on to the chocolate shop, and James texted me that they were done. I asked him to drive over because I was tired from carrying Mal so far! He did walk some, but when we needed to make actual distance, I needed to help him out a bit.
The Old Town Building, where the chocolate shop is located, also has some other businesses, including a cute boutique that had a night shirt about how to sleep with a cat that I wanted to get Daphne until I saw that it was $30. Mal ran right in there, found a dressing room, and tried to pull the full-length mirror off of the wall. When we went to the chocolate shop, he kept picking things up and trying to stick them into his mouth. He succeeded with the Christmas popcorn, which I ended up having to buy. It's nearly impossible to shop solo with this guy; he requires eyes (and hands) at all times!
As we were leaving the building, James texted that they were close. I sat on the sidewalk to wait for him, and soon we saw Khrys and Emily. I'd forgotten that the rental place gave us one key ring for our keys, and we can't separate them without wire-cutters, and I had the only set in my purse. So James had ridden over with his parents, maybe. Anyway, the plan was to try to hit one of the other breweries, but I knew there was no way Mal was going to go for that, and I didn't feel like killing more time by myself with him. I told James I was going to go back to the hotel. Khrys offered to try to get me to the car, but I decided just to walk so everyone could stay where they were and go about their business.
And this is where things started going downhill for me, emotionally. Mal and I got back to the car (on the way, I realized that Flagstaff must be one of those places where you have to wait for people to get allll the way out of the crosswalk before you can drive through it; bummer. I was going as fast as I could!), I strapped him in, and as I drove away, I started thinking, "Why did I even come? I can watch Mal by myself at home. In fact, I do. And a lot less stressfully. This is stupid. I'm basically here in a caretaker capacity. Trot Mal out when he can, then when he is done, remove him. I don't get to sit and socialize. I'm always on baby duty. James should have come by himself, except that everyone wanted to see Mal and Emily together..." Etc.
So I called my sister to have her talk me down, but she was busy or ignoring me or something. Instead, I prayed. By the time we got back to the hotel, I had calmed down and was looking forward to spending some time visiting with my girl. But when I got out of the car, everyone was there. Immediately, my brain said, "Oh! They've changed their mind. Good thing I didn't text James anything guilt-inducing or selfish!"
Incidentally, I was wrong. Apparently, the idea was maybe to drop off James' parents with us because they weren't interested in the second brewery. Then the rest of the "kids" would go back out. But I didn't know this yet.
James took Mal, and I cheerfully went upstairs with them. As we were chatting, I said, "I thought I heard Mei Li say that she was going to stay in the car with the kids." James said, "Right." I looked puzzled, and he indicated that "we" were about to leave again. At first, I thought he meant we were going over to their house, which would have been fine, but I wished I hadn't gotten Mal out of the car seat. Then I realized he meant THEY were going back out, and something snapped inside of my brain or heart or something.
I started yelling. "Then why did you even come here?! I thought maybe you were being sensitive and had changed your mind to come hang out with me! This is Khrys' one day off, and your parents are leaving tomorrow, and I don't get to see anyone. I'm just here to take care of the baby, which I could do in Austin! But, no, I'm so glad that you can go out and drink! Please do, and enjoy yourself!" Oh, and also ugly crying. It was not my finest moment.
My sweet husband went downstairs and said something (God knows what) to everyone, and they ended up staying at our place instead.
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| From December 2015 |
James and I talked about this at length later, and he said he didn't think he was a very good intermediary. He said the plan was to explore downtown together, hitting the breweries as we passed them. It sounded to me like the plan was "hit all of the breweries," and I knew that I couldn't.
But here's something I realized, and I really hate: I want very much to be a nice person, a kind person who is genuinely happy with my lot and pleased for other people who have things differently. And I'm happy, I seriously am. I love my son, and I love my family, and I often am certain that I wouldn't change a thing. But this is the ugly truth: I can wallow in some serious pity and even get close to envying people I deem have it "easier" than I do. Parenting, and mothering in particular, is so weirdly isolating, even though a whole lot of people are involved in the same enterprise.
It's been more than a year, and I still can't commit to going anywhere after 7. The car ride up to Flagstaff from Phoenix was the longest I've ever gone without holding my son. I love him. I adore him. I also long to be able to sit and have a grown-up conversation from start to finish, and I can't. Other parents seem to be able to manage that. My husband can do it. I can't. I'm the default parent. I typically don't mind. This trip, I've been resentful. Even though my sister-in-law just had a baby a week ago, I found myself jealous that the baby slept hours on hours at a time, sitting in his car seat at the opposite end of the table from his mom. That even though their daughter was up and around, they could sit at the brewery and drink a beer and hang out. I don't get to hang out with adults, basically, ever. I always have to get up. Always have to chase. And it's always me. No, that's not true or fair. It's 85% me. But that's what I signed on for. And typically, I don't feel sorry for myself. But, man, it was so easy to go there.
As much as I would like to be all chill and low maintenance, I think that I need a plan so my expectations are in line. Anyway, James and I had some good talks and everything ended up fine, as far as we were concerned. But I'm still going to have to work on not having pity parties, because I truly love my kid and wouldn't trade him for anything, even an easier social life (or more precious sleep).
The next day, James' parents came over before they headed back home. James and I went to lunch at Miz Zip's, where Mal stood in the booth and played with the sugar packets (without trying to put any in his mouth!) but ate a whole bowl of canned fruit and quite a few French fries, behaving himself admirably and giving us an easy time of consuming our food! He fell asleep on the drive home, napping for a couple of hours. He would have slept a lot longer except we wanted to get to the Lowell Observatory by their 4 o'clock sun viewing. Turned out to be too cloudy, and we didn't feel like paying just to see the museum stuff, so we took Daphne back to the hotel and headed with Mal over to Mei Li's so the kids could play and we could visit. That night, Khrys and Mei Li brought pizza to our place as Mal was asleep shortly after Khrys got off work.
On Tuesday, James and I decided to go downtown and explore it a bit together. It was colder than it had been the previous two days, but sunny and not windy, so it wasn't unbearable. We walked to this beautiful old church and I wanted to get a few pictures inside, but my son thought the echo was cool and kept going, "Oooh! Ooooh!" to hear himself. There were people in the sanctuary praying, and I felt like we were being boorish, so we high-tailed it out of there.
We went back to the shops where I'd taken Mal and he'd gone nutso crazy, but it was a lot more manageable with a partner! We went into Flag Buzz and bought Daphne and James some tea. We got a gelato at the Sweet Shop, and dang it if the same thing didn't happen with people sitting spread out in the front so we had to step outside (where it was in the mid-20s) to eat our stinking gelato.
As much as I would like to be all chill and low maintenance, I think that I need a plan so my expectations are in line. Anyway, James and I had some good talks and everything ended up fine, as far as we were concerned. But I'm still going to have to work on not having pity parties, because I truly love my kid and wouldn't trade him for anything, even an easier social life (or more precious sleep).
The next day, James' parents came over before they headed back home. James and I went to lunch at Miz Zip's, where Mal stood in the booth and played with the sugar packets (without trying to put any in his mouth!) but ate a whole bowl of canned fruit and quite a few French fries, behaving himself admirably and giving us an easy time of consuming our food! He fell asleep on the drive home, napping for a couple of hours. He would have slept a lot longer except we wanted to get to the Lowell Observatory by their 4 o'clock sun viewing. Turned out to be too cloudy, and we didn't feel like paying just to see the museum stuff, so we took Daphne back to the hotel and headed with Mal over to Mei Li's so the kids could play and we could visit. That night, Khrys and Mei Li brought pizza to our place as Mal was asleep shortly after Khrys got off work.
On Tuesday, James and I decided to go downtown and explore it a bit together. It was colder than it had been the previous two days, but sunny and not windy, so it wasn't unbearable. We walked to this beautiful old church and I wanted to get a few pictures inside, but my son thought the echo was cool and kept going, "Oooh! Ooooh!" to hear himself. There were people in the sanctuary praying, and I felt like we were being boorish, so we high-tailed it out of there.
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| From December 2015 |
We went back to the shops where I'd taken Mal and he'd gone nutso crazy, but it was a lot more manageable with a partner! We went into Flag Buzz and bought Daphne and James some tea. We got a gelato at the Sweet Shop, and dang it if the same thing didn't happen with people sitting spread out in the front so we had to step outside (where it was in the mid-20s) to eat our stinking gelato.
As we made our way down Rte. 66, we passed Flagstaff Brewing Company. James asked if I thought Mal could take a stop, and we'd been walking quite a while so I figured he'd be able to. It was also approaching nap time, so I thought he might be winding down a bit.
Once again, Mal stood in the seat the whole time, but he stayed in his seat. Two days running! James was just going to try a beer, but I saw French onion soup on the menu and it sounded great. Then the waiter told us that their soup of the day was tomato bisque, so we ended up ordering - and thoroughly enjoying - soup for lunch.
By this time, it was getting cloudy so colder and we went back to the hotel. Mal took a little nap, and then it was time to start packing up for our return trip. Our hotel hosts dinner/mixers Tuesday through Thursday nights, so that evening we got to enjoy some free Asian chicken salad.
Later, I suggested that James take Khrys and Mei Li out to dinner since he wanted to try out a Mexican place and that's mehh to me. They ended up eating somewhere else, but then we had POOR COMMUNICATIONS INCIDENT #3. I thought James was just going out to dinner, so I was kind of waiting up for him. After dinner, he went back to visit at their house. I was lonely and started to descend into whiny internal monologuing, so went to sleep. Then the dishwasher started beeping and did so for about twenty minutes because it took me that long to figure out what the heck was beeping, as it would sound once then be quiet for five minutes. That wake-up and my nervous "What the heck is that?" jaunt, plus my subsequent difficulty getting to sleep threatened to throw me back into a dang pity party, but I fortunately managed to konk back out, thus avoiding doing or saying or even thinking something I might regret later.
Wednesday morning, we got up and went to breakfast at the Crown Railroad Cafe. We'd been wanting to eat there the whole week, and it was passable but really not worth giving up the free breakfast we could have had at our hotel. At least the decor was fun!
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| From December 2015 |
Soon, we were on the road back toward Phoenix. It was a much quicker trip than the drive up, since there was no accident to stop traffic. We met James' parents at an In N Out Burger on the way, and even Kitana and her friends Alex and Anthonie drove over, so it was nice to see everyone and stretch our legs a bit before we hit the hotel for the evening. Mal and Daphne and pretty much all of the "kids" enjoyed feeding the birds French fries. Actually, we all really enjoyed it!
James and I talked about taking Mal and Daphne to Castles and Coasters, which was right by the hotel. Daphne wasn't interested, and in the end, we decided Mal wouldn't know the difference, anyway, so we just walked across the street to Barnes and Noble and Mal had a great time pushing around the rolling stepping stool. Also, I got a $6 clearance cookbook that has interactive pages; you take a picture of the picture and it will pull up the recipe and make a shopping list for you to save on your phone. It has recipes and menu ideas, so I can't wait to try some of the stuff next week.
This morning, we drove back to the airport. We were fortunate to get to check our luggage in at the car rental return building; the line at the terminal for Southwest was probably over an hour long. It was nuts! I did have to prove Mal's age, and was able to, so that worked (even though we got shuffled around a few times trying to avoid the line since we only needed the boarding pass and not to do anything else with luggage or checking in).
Oh, man, it's so nice. They let you wear your baby through security now. They've never done that when I've traveled with Daphne or Mal, and it was so much easier!
We had an uneventful flight home. Mal stayed awake most of the time, but enjoyed himself immensely. He fell asleep about twenty minutes out, and that was it.
Two of our bags didn't end up with the rest of them, so we're currently waiting to see if Southwest can locate them. I hope so, because I really want our tea, honey, and chocolates... and all of my CuddlDuds that I just purchased. Oh well. While we waited at the luggage carousel (and waited. and waited), Mal got a little agitated. He was trying to sit in his car seat even though it was lying on its back in the floor.
Once we got out to the van and strapped him into the car seat - which he usually detests - he just giggled and babbled the whole way home. I think he was so happy to be back in "his" van, facing backwards, with his mirror and his giant window... and the first thing he wanted to do when we got into the apartment was to pull out his step ladder and "cook" on the stove. So much for my hope that his being gone for a week would make him forget that little obsession.
We had a great trip; it was so wonderful to see everyone and to enjoy the cold and beauty of Flagstaff. Also, eating out every meal and not cleaning the house are always awesome. Even with my emotional roller coastering, this trip was so much less stressful than traveling with Mal when he was a year younger. Daphne even said she had fun, though she missed drawing on her computer. I think she enjoyed not having chores as much as I did.
We have two mini trips planned for 2016 already, and I'm already looking forward to traveling with my family! (But not flying. Nope. Done with that for a good while.)
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| From December 2015 |
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