Hey, parents, stop freaking ruining Christmas with your laziness and manipulation

It wasn't my intention to roll out THREE blog posts today. Believe it or not, I have stuff to do! But I can't take this trend I'm seeing on social media and I wanted to address it.

First of all, if you have shared any of these, I'm not really talking to you because I assume I have the kind of friends who would never do this and maybe just think the idea is humorous in theory.

However, if you're a parent who actually thinks, as many of the testimonials say, "This is a great idea!" then I'd like to appeal to you on several levels.

Let's start with this: 

Let me quote from this lady's blog: "This elf warning for naughty kids is probably the most useful thing I’ve ever stumbled across on Pinterest. Seriously! Two of the kids (I won’t say which ones) actually cried this morning when they found the Elf Warning instead of Fred. Don’t get me wrong…I don’t like making my kids cry, but I’ll take any help I can get in keeping them in line."

Then there's this:

"This will always fix the problem."

And finally, one that is making the rounds today. In fact, it's been shared more than 40,000 times TONIGHT.

First, one of my friends pointed out that "Grinch" and "bench" don't technically rhyme. :)

The list goes on and on. I could post lots more, but you get the idea.

WHAT THE HELL, PARENTS?

Seriously? What kind of people are you?

Why is this not at all funny and actually wrong? Oh, my lord, there are reasons upon reasons. Let's just start wherever:

1) It's cowardly. You are your kids' parent. There is no outside third party monitoring you get to shrug and blame when their annoying actions have fabricated (and cruel) "consequences." No, the sadness they feel about losing a present is not a reasonable and logical consequence to whatever they did to piss you off, even if it was really really bad. YOU are the parent. Tackle the behaviors together. "Running in the house"? SERIOUSLY? You will threaten losing presents because an energetic kid moves too fast for your taste? You are the one with a problem.

2) It teaches all of the wrong lessons.

a) "Be good because someone is watching you." Also known as: If you're going to be naughty, do it way hidden so you might not get caught and then get in trouble. Also known as: It's only really wrong if you get caught. In other words: The reason you want your kids to "behave" is not because they think they might get in trouble (in this case, losing Christmas presents). You want your kids to "behave" because they understand which actions aren't acceptable and why. "I know you want that, but I can't get it right now, and your whining seriously hurts my head and makes me tired. Can you please talk to me about it in a normal voice?" If they don't? Well, they're kids. Keep reminding them. You're the adult. Teach them the right reasons to do the right thing.

b) "This is Santa's function":

c) "Christmas is all about YOU and the presents YOU might or might not get." I've heard parents gripe about how self-centered their kids are, how entitled. Well, when the parent is the one making this whole season about how many presents their kids might receive, the parent is the one focusing the kids' attention on this. Which brings me to something this...

d) "The only gifts you get are the ones you earn." I direct you to the dictionary, which would indicate that a gift is "something bestowed or acquired without any particular effort by the recipient or without its being earned." If you earn something, it isn't a gift. It's a wage, or an incentive. (Right, department stores... there's no "free gift with purchase" there's "free incentive to purchase." We're not that naive, but I do like free stuff, so keep it up!) Some people like to teach their kids a version of "There's no such thing as a free lunch," but that's wrong. I've been given plenty of things I didn't earn in my life. So have you. If a carrot is dangled in front of you as a "present" but you can lose it if you're "bad enough," then it was never a present.

A present is given out of the joy and grace of the gift-giver, and ESPECIALLY Christians should understand and want to teach their kids this.

3) If your family is celebrating Christmas, religiously or secularly, don't you want your kids to have a sense of wonder and awe about the whole thing? Why turn it into another test they have to pass or else?

Actually, the Grinch himself said it:

If you want to be a lazy coward then use the threat to call the cops like you do the rest of the year. Don't ruin Christmas, too.

By the way, that was a joke. Don't do this to cops, either. Grow up and be a parent.

4) None of this shows any respect for kids at all. Are kids sometimes annoying? Yes. Do they do things that they're not supposed to? Of course. As their parents, it's our job to work WITH them to fix these things. not to threaten to ruin one of the biggest holidays of the year because in the days leading up to an arbitrary date on the calendar, we didn't like how they were being. Think about it! It's a busy time of year, the school semester is closing out, there are parties and lots of things going on... They might be even more "lively" than usual. Plan for it. Prepare for it emotionally. Be there to help, not to reflect your own irritation back onto them. They pick up on that, too, and it makes things worse.

Can you imagine getting up Christmas morning and having your significant other tell you, "I had bought you that coat you loved but thought was too expensive. However, the last two times the trash collection has come, you haven't taken the garbage out in time, and so I did it myself and returned the coat." You'd be so angry!

You might argue that you're not a kid, but I'd argue that no one deserves to be "pwned" that way. No one deserves to be manipulated into compliance. We don't learn to serve in genuine grace through coercion or fear; it has to be a choice made out of relationship or self-discipline. And littles don't have much self-discipline, so your relationship with them is the strongest tool you have. Treating them like the enemy destroys that, even if they don't know you're doing it. YOU know, and it trains you to think of them as the enemy... a force to be contained and avoided.

5) It robs the parent of experiencing joy and wonder through their kids' eyes, since they're busy strategizing ways to maximize the power of the holiday. Gross, people. Just stop.

I could think of more reasons, but I've been clacking away for almost an hour and have been fortunate that my baby has slept through this so far. I'm not pushing my luck any further.

Will you do me a favor? Please don't use this season of goodwill as a whip to beat your kids into shape. Either take it or leave it, but if you take it, strategize ways to maximize the memories and traditions that will be the foundation of your kids' memories. You will never regret it.