No Forward Motion

We had a pretty, um, full day.

First thing this morning, I got the yard mowed. It wasn't super high, but some recent rains encouraged some pretty thick weeds that grew up practically overnight. I can't complain; it'd been almost a month since I mowed last.

As I was doing this, I was thinking-- well, more wallowing. I was wallowing in these thoughts: Our son will never use the toilet, sleep through the night, or wean.

I know, I know. He will. Probably. I also know that lots of boys don't potty train until 3 or 4. And that many kids don't sleep through the night until 5 or 6 or 7. And that most children, absent a pregnancy or encouragement by parents, will naturally wean about the time they lose their milk teeth. Realistically, I know all of that.

But truthfully, I had thought that, at this point, we'd be making some motion toward in maybe at least one or two of these areas. But no.

Is Mal breastfeeding less now than when he was a year old? During the day, yes. During the night, not at all. Is he breastfeeding less now than he was four months ago. Nope. We have days when we're busy and he nurses less. But at night, it's literally the only way he can go to sleep. Or back to sleep. Except that fluke two nights ago when he nodded off in the car while James ran in to get him clothes. But I digress.

There were a couple of encouraging weeks (or a month? I don't track it very well) when Mal was only waking up 2-3 times many nights. But we're back to 6 times or even, this week, a dozen times or more, which equals basically all night. And I'm spent before we ever even get out of bed in the morning.

Regarding the toilet, it's a big no on that one. We ask him if he wants to go, and he says, "NO!" Heck, he's even getting pissy (pun intended) about having his diaper changed, stating, "Mal wants to keep the dirty one!" It doesn't help that I read a thing that said to try to sit your kid on the toilet at least once a day at this age, because once they approach three years, they are apt to start believing that a diaper is where poop goes. Ay yi yi.

I'm not forcing him to sit on the toilet. I HAVE started being less territorial about the bathroom (even when it's that time of the month, and I'd REALLY love privacy) just to invite him to join me in sitting (we have training toilets in both bathrooms), and that's usually when he decides he doesn't really want to hang out with me in there, anyway, and leaves.

Just one thing? Some encouraging momentum on just one of those things? Please, universe??

Now.

After I mowed, I came in and was eating everything in the house to stave off a hypoglycemia attack (note to self: Two Pop Tarts are not adequate for 4 hours of yard work) and chatting with James. He jokingly said, "Is it too late just to lock Mal in his room after bedtime and let him figure it out for himself?"

And, of course, it made my stomach knot. Even knowing James wasn't serious.

Sometime in the past two weeks, we lost the receiver to our "baby" monitor. It likely fell into the recycling bin. I need to order a replacement. We didn't have to close Mal's door before we got a dog. But, once again, I digress.

Anyhoo, because I can't hear him when he first stirs, I haven't been going into his room as fast when he wakes at night. There have been a couple of times that, by the time I get in there, he is sitting up on the bed, quietly sobbing, shaking and covered in tears. No way I'd leave him to tire out in that state, so I know we're doing the right thing.

But I feel like we're in this holding pattern, no end in sight, circling, circling, ever circling.

For instance, I'm ready for a stinking family vacation, and we'd love to go on a cruise. But until Mal can sit through a meal (he cannot) or is potty trained so he can go to the kids club while we leisurely enjoy a meal, that's a no-go. And I'd love to sleep with my husband (except for the snoring) in an actual bed made for human grown-ups.

That sort of thing.

Thinking about it makes me tired, even though, as James so annoyingly illustrated, I am confident that keeping the course is the right thing for us to do.

On a happier note...

When I picked Mal up from childcare at church yesterday, a lady told me, "At first, when he was offered a snack, he said, 'No, thank you.' That is so great! You just don't hear that much anymore."

I think I said, "Oh, nice," or something equally awkward, because I'm never sure how to respond to that. "You're right! Other kids are jerks, but my kid is a perfect angel!"

But here's the truth: I have never encouraged Mal by telling him, "Say 'thank you,'" or "Tell him you're sorry," etc. And you know what? He says it, anyway. Because he sees people being polite, and he imitates them. He also watches Peppa Pig, and she answers, "Yes, please" to errythang.

He's a sweet kid, and I'm so glad (if exhausted) to be his mom. And I just ordered the replacement monitor, so should have it midweek.

After I mowed this morning, I came in and Mal said, "Mommy, dirty! Take a shower!" So I did. We hung out a while and I realized that our air conditioner wasn't working. Well, the compressor was, but the fan was out. That was a first, even though the a/c has gone out a few times since we moved in... but that was always the compressor, and it was always a breaker issue.

We turned everything off, in case we had a freezing situation, and ran out to the grocery store and to pick up some dinner. As we sat in the drive-through waiting, I realized two things: 1) That our air conditioner in the car is going out, and that I needed to turn off the car because, independent of that, the vehicle sounds like it's about to shake apart. 2) I had left my phone in the shopping cart at HEB.

I drove back to the store and ran inside, where my phone was, thankfully, waiting at customer service. I appreciate that whomever found it didn't decide to keep it and call my mom (who is in Alaska, anyway, and probably doesn't have service) to tell her they had my phone, and then take it home with them more than an hour from where I live, as happened a couple of years ago.

When we came back home, the a/c still wasn't working, so I called our home warranty to file a claim. After working on it for a bit longer, messing with breakers, including the "heat" one, and accidentally throwing the main breaker, too, the fan came back on! About an hour later, though, I went outside to take the garbage to the street -- today's high was supposed to be 81, but it was actually 86 and more than 70% humidity, so blehh. Glad I hadn't waited for the sun to come out and dry up the rain and dew before I mowed!

I came back inside from that sauna-fest and realized that our house was still icky, and in fact, worse. As it turns out, the compressor was out, so the unit was blowing blergh air around. I reset the breaker and, voila! Four hours later, it was tolerable in our house again.

So I'm ready for a laid-back day tomorrow. I'll bet James is, too. Too bad he has to lean back into that grindstone again... As they were saying on NPR today: A thoughtful Memorial Day to you all!