One Day More....

There was an article by a doctor chastising parents for not disciplining their children enough for him to do his job that made the rounds a few years ago. The guy described a young patient who wouldn't let the doctor examine him, and when the mom answered a question about how long the child had felt bad, said, "Shut up, Mom. You don't know anything." He went on to say "Open your mouth" shouldn't be posed as a question because it's not a request, it's a demand. 

I don't know whether this was a client he saw often, but I can think of plenty of reasons a sick kid (and maybe scared kid) would act like a jerk at the doctor's office. I get that it might be frustrating to deal with anything other than compliant kids. But I'd hate to have a doctor who introduced an article about how parents are failing by using an anecdote about my child.

This is what's on my mind as we look at Mal's first dentist appointment in the morning. We've been planning to get him in for a cleaning and to have his molars "painted" over to keep crud from settling into the folds, but we expedited the plan when I noticed a definite cavity in his lower back left molar this morning. He also has what I suspect is a cavity (or two?) "between" (on the insides of) his front two teeth. Neither of these seem to be causing him any pain, and I do not want to fill them. I'm hoping the dentist can clean out the cavity and tell us what to do to help it get better or at least not get worse.

But I'm on edge, because Mal fights our brushing his teeth every. single. time. He HATES it. And I think back to when he was super panicked before we went in to the water park, and told the girl, "Get that off of me!" when she put the armband on his ankle. He might freak out and not cooperate. He's going to be terrified.

The doctor who wrote that article would argue that it's my fault for coddling him, but honestly, what is a parent to do when faced with their child's abject and sincere fear? Scold them? Spank them? Continue to push on regardless of the trauma?

We tend to use the severity of the situation as our guide. If Mal had a nail stuck through his foot and didn't want the doctor to touch it, we'd of course restrain him and do what needed to be done. But when the stakes aren't that high, then there's time to ease a kid into something. I want him to trust me. I want him to know when I say, "We have to," it's because we actually HAVE to, and not because I want him to and it's embarrassing to me if he doesn't. 

Also, he usually relaxes, after a freak-out period, and goes along with things. But I let him have space to give full vent to his expressions of fear. They are legitimate. 

It's entirely possible that my child will cry through a dental cleaning and exam, but it's never going to be because I spanked, coerced, shamed, or threatened him. And that doctor can stick his opinions where his proctologist might find them.