Social Distancing, Day 54

It's been nearly two months since Mal wore his headphones. I wonder, if we ever get back out in big groups, whether he'll want or need them.

Our days have kind of a rhythm to them now, much more so than when we had places to go and things to do. A lot of it revolves around stuff we have to do to deal with some of Mal's... um, health quirks?

After Mal wakes up, I bring him 2 fiber and 2 multi-vitamin chewables. He HATES the fiber gummies, probably because they taste like chicory root. However, he has chronic issues with not moving his bowels for several days at a time, and we're trying to nip that in the bud (which is the correct terminology, but in this case, "butt" would actually be appropriate, as well).

Since he hates the taste of this stuff so much, he's only too willing to do the morning teeth-brushing routine. We have to be SO careful with his teeth because they're super prone to cavities. I guess his teeth are just extremely porous? I'm hoping that his adult teeth will not be so. I'm glad he's up for this, though! He'll even ask later in the day, "Did we brush my teeth this morning?"

I do spend a lot of the day asking him to sit on the toilet for just a few minutes, because he suffers from encopresis. This has been going on for years, pretty much since he was toilet trained. The only thing we haven't done is have an abdominal x-ray, but we might have to do that eventually. Man, I dread the thought of that. The last time Mal got his hair cut, he stood in the chair and cried, hanging on to me, the whole time Kayt game him a trim. I can't imagine getting him settled for an x-ray.

(I just emailed his doctor, so I'll let you know what happens. I know you'll be waiting with bated breath.)

When the weather permits, we're still eating our evening dinner on the front porch.

We've usually been taking a family walk after dinner. Sometimes, it's just me. Sometimes, it's just Mal and me (when James's knees or ankles are acting up). But usually, we all go. Mal is usually in the stroller, even though he's five and a half, because I want to go on a walk without dealing with complaining the whole way. That's been nice.

Mal has discovered a mailbox that's in the shape of a large-mouth bass on the other side of our neighborhood. He loves it. I can get in a nice long walk if he's amenable to go gawk at it. But I have to stay on the opposite side of the road, because he's also a bit intimidated by it. And cacti. Even the spineless ones that are blooming right now.

Something interesting/telling happened on our walk last night.

It was warmish and kind of windy, so I was trying to talk Mal into wearing a ponytail so his hair wouldn't get tangled from sweat and wind. I finally talked him into a low pony, but when he got into the stroller, he said, "I knew this would happen! I can't sit back all the way!" So I pulled the ponytail out... and put it back on top of his head.

When he realized this, he started crying. He asked me to take it out. Then he said, "I don't want to look like a girl!" I took it out immediately, and asked him, "What does 'a girl' look like?" And, "Does Daddy look like a girl with his ponytail?" He said, "No." I asked, "What's so bad about looking like a girl, anyway? I look like a girl and it's pretty great."

He gets mistaken for a girl all the time. Even in our front yard wearing only boxer briefs. But he does not want to cut his hair. "Never!!" This is the first time he's expressed displeasure with people's assumptions about his gender. I read a thing the other day where a man said that he just takes his son with him to the barber every couple of weeks (pre-COVID10(. He was saying that parents shouldn't expose their sons to mockery and the easy way to do that is to cut their hair in a stereotypical "boys'" cut.

First, Mal has never been "mocked," only misidentified. People are generally very gracious about it when he corrects them. Kids are harder to convince.

Second, the way to keep someone from being mocked isn't to change them. It's to teach people who think it's okay to mock someone that it's not okay. Good grief.

Another funny thing that happened in the front yard the other night was that Mal had kind of disappeared around the corner and I called him to talk to him about staying in the yard, etc. Mal came over and was pretty disgruntled. He said, "I NEVER get to do ANYTHING that I want to do!"

We wanted to laugh, because that kid has so much more freedom that a lot of children his age (and more than D did at this age). But I get that's what it feels like. He can't drive. He can't reach stuff that's up too high. He can't go to the store to acquire everything that he wants. He's basically at our mercy for everything. This is one reason we try really hard to say "yes" whenever possible. Being a kid is a slog.