The last year, and the new normal

I realized, looking through posts the other day, that I've basically been depressed for a long time. My posts about ennui and whether or not I should have had kids... all of it has been pretty maudlin and hopeless, because that's how I felt.

There is a long story here that I'm going to skip over, but after a year of having near-breakdowns every month from a very sweet puppy who just did not fit in with our household (cats, kids, sensory stuff, love of quiet and peace, etc.), having people I interact with in public remark, "That's too much dog for me!" and "The only people I know who are as dedicated to their dogs as you are don't have human children," etc. I snapped when the dog tried to catch one of our cats outside (inside they're different; outside is a wild card). After seeing how devastated James was, I agreed to keep trying... but then after D returned from a couple of weeks away, the dog decided he needed to be awake all night to keep D company, and I had a stressful night after a stressful day, and the only way I could keep from going crazy was the idea that the dog had an awesome household that wanted him.

The ferocity with which my husband and his family rallied... around the dog has stunned me. I feel like I'm living on a different planet. I feel like I've been talked about behind my back, and that they had this plan for when I failed, which they knew I would, but that no one ever talked seriously to ME about it, so I did what I needed to do to stay out of a mental hospital and continue to take care of all of the domestic duties around our home. 

James is driving to his brother's house with the dog, where the dog will stay indefinitely. James feels good enough about this. I am skeptical, but James was literally ready to file for divorce. We hurt a very kind, loving family, who got caught up in the blast zone and that's almost as hard for me to stomach as the idea that somehow, my husband values a pet more than he values me and the wholistic health of our family. Of course, this is my take on it and I know that he has a different one.

We are committed to staying married because we love each other and want to keep our family intact. But internally, I feel as rocked as I did when my ex-husband texted a lady he didn't know, who was dating a friend of mine, and told her (while she was on a cruise vacation with her family) that I was having an affair with her boyfriend (which I was not). The fallout on that was terrible, but I was already half way out the door because of other problems we had. James and I are starting out on much stronger footing. But I'm still just not sure what the heck is going on, and why it was taken for granted that I shoulder so much constant stress but when I moved to right it, suddenly it's like I'm mentally frail or evil and deceptive or something.

Sometimes I wonder how people maneuver in the world, knowing the wake of destruction they leave behind them. Maybe other people don't do that, but I know so many people who have and who do. I guess we can only move forward and try not to mess up and hurt people in the future.

This morning, I was wishing that James and I could have "Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind"ed Luke, so he'd be happy where he was, and we'd never be the wiser. But, no. We remember, and somehow we still have to try to live "normal" lives. It feels impossible.

Austin Christmas Staycation

This Christmas, we didn't put up our tree because puppy. Instead, I wrapped our fake bamboo plant in lights and put the star on top (fortunately, I'd neglected to pack it up last year, so it was easily accessible). Actually, I put the star on top of a telescoping pole intended to help unscrew lightbulbs that are up high. The "bamboo" isn't strong enough to hold up the star that we have.

Anyway.

Christmas morning, I just covered the kids' presents with blankets, and it was just as much fun to discover what was under there, AND there was plenty to clean up because stuff comes in packaging, so we didn't miss out on anything by not having wrapping.

After we'd done that, I got a message that the electronic key to the room we'd reserved downtown was ready! We played a little more, then packed up and drove into Austin.

On the way, we stopped by Pease Park for James to see it for the first time. It was pretty busy, but not any busier than the other weekday Mal and I went. 

Mal wasn't super interested in playing a long time like we did last time, though, because he knew our hotel room was ready, and that's his jam.

We stayed at the Embassy Suites on South Congress. It is a great location, and the price was perfect. I'd wanted us to stay closer to where we used to live, but even the places that seemed pretty well-priced were inordinately expensive once they added on a pet deposit and mandatory valet. I looked into Spot Hero, but many of the lots downtown don't offer in/out privileges, and I didn't think we'd never need to leave, but wasn't sure. Then my sister reminded me that they'd stayed at Embassy Suites several times when they'd visited Austin from Dallas, and it ended up being perfect.

We had a king bed suite, planning for Mal and James to sleep in the bedroom, and me to sleep in the "living room" with the dog. When we first got to the hotel, we just chilled out for a while. And when I say "chilled out," I waited for the dog to calm down. He was sniffing around a lot, because it's a new place. Even though he's never peed inside anywhere we've ever been, I was still pretty nervous until he peed outside. And we were on the 8th floor, so between James and myself making a couple of trips out each until he finally relieved himself, it was a lot of ground covered!

This was our view. Not too shabby!

For dinner, I ordered Teji's for James and me, and McDonald's for Mal. Grown-up food was being delivered, but Mal and I walked down to pick his food up. And McDonald's isn't open on Christmas, Which is cool, I'm glad their employees have the day off; but it'd be nice if the app had gotten the memo. Still, it was a nice hour-long walk for Mal and me.

Mal ended up eating some mac and cheese from the hotel store, and was more than happy with that and an apple and some Airheads as dinner.

That night, I was a little stressed when it was bedtime. The hotel is really pretty, and part of that is that it has an atrium. That also meant that pretty much every noise in the hotel is "hearable" in the rooms. Luke kept jumping up and running to the door and whining when a dog would bark two floors down, or when a kid on the bottom floor was crying. THEN someone had a screaming, out of control kid running up and down our "hall" for a good 45 minutes after 11:00 PM. The man was yelling at the kid, and the kid would holler louder. Then people were calling down to people on the bottom floor. Just before I called the front desk to ask if this was typical, I guess it quieted down. 

Luke slept with me in a full-size sofa pull-out, and everything went pretty well after it finally quieted down.

Sunday morning, Luke woke up at around 6, so I threw my shoes on and we went for our walk, even though it was dark. Unlike our neighborhood at home, Austin proper has PLENTY of lights to illuminate even the darkest hour. (Too many, frankly.)

We got back to the hotel and rested a bit, but Luke was keyed up. A bit before 9, I woke James up because Mal had gotten up and I needed to get the dog back outside. James took Mal down to eat while I walked the dog to a fenced dog park. There is an off-leash area in Auditorium Shores, but it's not fenced, and it's close both to the hike and bike trail and some pretty busy roads.

The walk was nice, and the park was basic but had some pups for Luke to play with.

By the time we got back, we'd already gotten in 10,000 steps, and it wasn't even 11 o'clock!

James had brought me breakfast, which I ate while the dog slept. He actually got into his travel crate and took a nap of his own accord, after our having put him in there a couple of times to manage him when he was acting out.

Mal loved playing in the hotel. He would go out and "buy groceries" and do all sorts of missions, walking around the floor, circling the atrium, and coming back to just outside the room.

In the early afternoon, we got out to visit Toy Joy.

Then it was back to the room for some rest and relaxation.

James ended up walking over to McDonald's to get Mal's promised meal from the day before.

In the late afternoon, we decided to walk down to see the Capitol Christmas tree.

I was so proud of Mal! He'd been flagging on the walk home from Toy Joy, which was only .6 miles from our hotel. The Capitol is 1.2 miles, and we went all the way around so Mal could see the "pit."

When we got back to the room, I drove over to Sandy's to get burgers for James and me, and a shake for Mal.

Everyone was pretty wiped. I had walked more than I normally walk in a day, but James walked A LOT MORE than he usually does, and his knee was hurting (he also realized this morning that he hadn't taken his allopurinol so that might have contributed). Mal played on his iPad and I played Captain Toad's Treasure Tracker. Luke pretty much slept from the time we got back until James took him for his nightly elimination a bit after 9.

Last night was MUCH quieter than Christmas night. Once we were in bed, the hotel was reasonably quiet. But then I realized that since the fountain on the bottom floor makes the noise it makes, the hotel lobby music was pretty loud. Not loud enough that I could make out lyrics, but enough that I could hear it. I am really not fun to be around when it's time to go to sleep. I'm extremely picky and sleep lightly.

Anyway, this morning, we took it easy (including Luke's and my walk, which happily occurred at 6:45 instead of 6:00 today!) and packed up after breakfast. The dog had gone to sleep, and when we'd finally gotten totally ready to go, decided to wake him up.

We drove straight home, and have been super busy after our big 48-hour getaway. James and I put everything away, he washed some dishes D had left out because they didn't know we'd be home so early, emptied the litter boxes, and got some work done in the back yard (he's building a smallish test project before we try to start on the house), then came in a bit to finish up Mal's last overly-supervised bath, and is now at the store. I did two loads of laundry, cleaned the kitchen and bathrooms, did a dishwasher load, put together about 1/3 of Mal's Boba Fett's starship LEGO set, started Mal's bath, and then took D to the post office.

We're going to hang out and maybe watch a movie tonight. Hope everyone had a great Christmas, and that you can get some rest, too!

A Month of Sundays

It has been exactly a week since I posted... and I just realized that on October 29, I included a picture of Mal with his loose tooth and the caption: "This tooth needs to come out!" You'll be pleased to know that, a month and a half later, it is still hanging on by a thread in his face. His adult tooth is basically in, and it shoved the other tooth off to the side, but Mal won't loosen it, and he freaks out if we try to help him. I not-so-secretly hope that he bumps something with his mouth and it gets knocked out.

But no. His balance is great.

Right now, we have a freeze warning for overnight. Yesterday, it was 83 and broke the record for December 10 in Austin. It will be in the 80s again on Tuesday. It's difficult to dress under these circumstances. Also, we got a "dumb" thermostat when we got our "new" a/c in 2020, so we keep having to switch between cooling and heating. I'm sure the unit enjoys the challenge.

We've been having mostly near-home adventures lately. Mal is growing up so much, and is becoming more mature in so many ways. The other day, I'd left a chair pulled out and the dog jumped up on the table to try to steal some of Mal's LEGOs. When that happened, I apologized to Mal for not pushing the chair in. I said, "That was my fault; I know he'll do that if he can." Mal said, very seriously, "Mom, I want to be responsible so I'll say that it was my fault." I told him that was very noble, but in this specific case, it really WAS my fault. We've talked previously about him blaming folks for things like if he runs into something because he is looking at his computer while he's walking, and he'll say, "I KNEW you shouldn't have put that there!" So at least he's trying to figure it out.

We're working with a private trainer for several sessions over the next few weeks before Luke's intermediate dog training class starts. We've implemented several suggestions from the first session, and I feel like we're already seeing some progress.

We're also working with a real estate lawyer to get our lots re-platted differently so we can start working on our plan for the back lot. We had our first phone call with the architect, and it was a trip. We were kind of feeling iffy about it, but his most recent email was a lot more down-to-earth, and it seems like we can move forward with him.

Right at this moment, I am with Mal and his friend at Indigo Play. I don't think we've ever been on the weekend, and holy crap, is it loud. James is getting ready to go get his Covid booster. Mine was scheduled for last weekend, but the pharmacy didn't get the vaccine, so I rescheduled... and they canceled that. Next weekend, I'm going up to Temple to try there.

Oh, that just reminded me that Mal's 2nd dose is tomorrow. I need to start mentally psyching myself up now.

Pumpkin Patch, 'tis the season

Last weekend, we visited a dog-friendly pumpkin patch in Temple I'd read about. Because my niece told me we needed to be there RIGHT when it opened (she was right), we stayed in a hotel the night before. D even went with us! It was a nice little 24-hour getaway.

Luke and Mal both settled into the hotel pretty quickly. We realized that Luke's crate wouldn't fit in our car, and I don't think it hurt his feelings at all.

Our plan had been to all (but D) go to the park together, but Mal was having fun at the hotel and wasn't interested in getting out. So I took Luke to a dog park, and my parents met me for about half an hour or so.

The kids had McD's for dinner, and James and I got sandwiches from Krazy Waffle. He had a breakfast sandwich, and I had the Monte Cristo. It was tasty, especially because I'd forgotten to eat lunch.

The night went off without a hitch, and the next morning, we drove ten minutes out to the farm. There is about a mile stretch where the road is one-way, and that's why you don't want to get there after it's open and there is a line. It's like those construction areas where one side of the road is closed. Glad we only had to do that on the way out!

There were tons of photo opportunities, and lots of neat things to do included in the entry price. We also brought home a couple of ornamental and a couple of pie pumpkins.

2 of D's 3 archery attempts. The last was close to the middle, too!

We came back home Saturday night, and Mal had his first Halloween party on Sunday. There were some crafts and he got to play with one of his good friends, so that was nice.

On both Saturday and Sunday, Mal got to play with another friend whose grandparents live around the corner. They made plans to see each other this weekend at the trunk-or-treat and outdoor movie our town is having. We also have a homeschool trunk-or-treat Friday, and one the town over on actual Halloween. Yesterday, my friend from Las Vegas said, "So you'll have candy for a year." I don't think she knows me and my family as well as I had thought... :) 

The One Where We Get a Dog

Friday afternoon, August 6, when James got off of work; he, Mal, and I got into the car and drove toward Houston. We stopped at the Bus-ees (a Texas road trip must!) in Giddings, then at the Blue Bell Creameries in Brenham (their operations close for the day at 2, so we didn't get to see that, but their $1 scoop shop is hard to beat), and finally at a pizza pub with an outdoor playground in Spring before checking in to our motel in Kingwood.

This place was $55 a night, probably the first straight-up motel Mal's ever stayed in, and was super clean and quiet. If you're ever in the area, America's Best Value Inns IAH/Kingwood is a comfy place to spend a cheap night, especially if you're heading to the airport in the morning. 

I got up and walked Saturday morning, and found a taco truck for James's breakfast, and a home-cooking place for our dinner.

We had a laid-back day, visiting a local park/nature preserve for Mal first thing, then driving into Houston proper to see the Beer Can House. I thought it would be open, but apparently hours "vary." We were the only ones there and got to looky-loo for quite a while. It's amazing; when I visited with D 15 years ago, the house was in a neighborhood with pretty similar small, Craftsman-looking houses. Now, it's like the movie Up where it's surrounded by apartments, condos, and remodeled/rebuilt homes.

After that, we stopped at a bakery we'd passed on the way down. We left with tons of good stuff, including way too much pan dulce, some tortillas, and a half-dozen tamales.

We chilled at the hotel until dinner, when we drove the short distance to Bill's Cafe. It had a nice outdoor space where Mal played Codespark Hero Foos while we ate. Oh, and as we were getting out of the car, I'd put my purse down to help Mal with his mask and the door shut, locking my keys inside. So we also got to visit with a nice locksmith. Thank you, roadside assistance.

Originally, we were supposed to pick the puppy up at noon, but one of the breeders had to go into work, so we did it at 8 AM. That worked out so well. All of the paperwork was online, so all we had to do was get Luke and take off. Bwhippd is a great outfit and I cannot recommend them highly enough. When we got Luke, we'd taken a toy for his crate, and they not only got it scented with his mom's scent, they let us meet her! We didn't take a picture, but her name is Zara and you can see her here.

We'd found a park 3 minutes from their house, so we went there first to let Mal and Luke burn off some steam before driving back to Austin.

The ride home was a dream, honestly. Luke settled in so well. We stopped after about an hour to let everyone go to the restroom, when managed to make it the rest of the way home in a straight shot!

Mal said that having a dog in the back seat made the drive much less boring. It took about two hours, but he did pet Luke (he's been frightened of dogs, from having encounters with much too aggressively friendly ones).

Since Sunday afternoon, we've been in full puppy mode, and I feel like the way the breeders managed the litter has made the transition so easy for us. He has a lot of energy, and he's age-appropriately bite-y; but he also was basically potty-trained from having access to a dog door and "crate time" the last week before he came home. He is great at night in the crate. He typically wakes up every 3-4 hours, which is tiring but, again, age-appropriate. It will extend over time.

The cats let their guard down a bit Monday morning, and Rudy let Luke sniff him. Luke was so excited that he bounded over to Carol, and she let him know in no uncertain terms that his enthusiasm was NOT returned. He screamed so loud, everyone did a reset and they're getting to know each other from a much more respectful distance now.

So for the next few weeks, it's lots of go outside, come in and play, do some light training, eat some food, play some more, sleep a while. It's like having a baby in that when he's sleeping, I'm trying like crazy to get everything done around the house and with meals that I can manage. Also, I find I'm spending more time with Mal than usual because I want to make sure he doesn't feel short-changed on that because of the dog. 

I've basically eschewed any commitments for a while, and the change of pace is nice. Now I will leave you with a few pictures, as this past half hour sitting with a pup's head on my lap, typing away on the computer, has felt extremely luxurious, but I have stuff to do.