Summer Camp Relationship

Yesterday, we spent the whole day just enjoying the resort. James did get out for a bit to acquire more caffeine-free diet soda because Mal ran out.

I woke up pretty early, took a shower, ate some breakfast on our patio...

...then I borrowed a bicycle to look around the resort. I saw a lot of deer, and a beautiful view of the Colorado River.

When I got back, James and Mal were awake. Mal had met a family the night before at the campfire where we were making s'mores and the kids were running around the lawn. They'd made plans to meet up at the Meet-the-Alpaca event in the morning. We went over, and were late enough that they were literally just hanging out waiting for us. It was glad I'd talked Mal into skipping the playground and heading straight over there. 

After the kids said "hi," we walked together back to the playground, and the kids played together for about an hour.

Mal tried twice to swim, but because it's overcast and got pretty cool the night before, the water was too chilly for him. We walked over to the river while James was out at the store. Then we mostly just hung out and played the rest of the day.

Every night, there are campfires and the resort "gives" you a s'mores kit (there's a $38 per night resort fee per room that covers that and the bikes and some other amenities) between 7 and 9, and the fires are on most of the night. 

Last night was a lot warmer than the previous evening, which had been bordering on chilly, and I could only handle roasting one marshmallow. Mal wanted to see if his friend was at the further campfire, so we walked over and the family wasn't there. We came back to the campfire area closer to our room, because James was in the room finishing up something he was doing and I wanted him to be able to easily find us. Mal told me, "I need to see my girlfriend. She's so beautiful."

I sat safely away from the warmth of the fire while Mal played Mario bad guys for me to defeat.

After a while, Mal wanted to walk back over to the other campfire to check for his friend again. We did, and when it was obvious that they weren't there, he just sat down on the lawn and started crying. He said, "She's my new best friend! I can't believe they're not here." We hugged and comforted him, and he asked, "Do you think she loves me, too?" 

We ended up laying down on the grass and watching stars and clouds. Eventually, we had to insist that it was time to go back to the room, but he was truly heart-broken.

There is a Meet-the-Horse thing in a few minutes, but Mal was awake so late last night that I don't think he'll be up for it. I might head over and see if the family happens to be there and give them our physical address in case the kids want to write each other or something. I've never seen Mal as sad about not getting to see a friend as he was last night. He has such a sweet little heart.

Now if we could just get that dang tooth out...

I knew it was just a matter of time...

More on my trip with Mal soon, because there were some doozies I want to remember, but I have to denote this most special of occasions.

Ever since the last time I got pregnant at what the medical community at large  (but never, ever my awesome team of midwives at Birthwise) would call "an advanced maternal age," I've known it was coming.

And it finally happened last night:

"Is that your grandbaby?"

I expected it to be more cutting than it was. Frankly, it was anti-climactic.

Part of this might be because the lady who asked me this both called Mal a girl repeatedly, after he corrected her, and then requested a ride to a bar down the street. From McDonald's. At 8:45 on a Sunday. Bless her.

But I think that most of it was because of the work I've been doing on accepting and loving my body (and all bodies). While what I've wrestled with most has been internalized fatphobia, I feel like really examining and deconstructing biases I've been taught my whole life has helped with everything, this included.

To be "offended" by being mistaken for my child's grandparent, I think I'd have to have more stock in pride of visibly defying my age, or shame in maturing. I have neither.

Actually, a few hours before that, I'd been telling James about an article I read on the thin privilege of "small fats," or what Roxane Gay calls, "Lane Bryant fat." I told him that in addition to the "privilege" I experience of not having to worry whether I'll fit into a restaurant seat, or have to buy two airline tickets, or be told by a doctor when I go in with pain in my breast and I should lose weight and I'll feel better, I also seem to have reached a milestone that many women meet with mourning, but I find exhilarating:

Largely because of my age, I'm "invisible."

When I was young, I was on the receiving end of much overt disgust (*shudder* "You're so fat!") and impertinent assumptions (the first time I was asked if I was pregnant, I was 16) very often. There's a trauma that comes with stigma in which someone isn't victimized only by overt actions; they are hurt over and over just by the anxiety they live with in anticipating the next unwanted negative interaction.

What I'm describing as my personal experience pales in comparison to the things that other minorities and "super fats" endure every day, but it was still a big part of my younger life.

It isn't anymore.

And the reason I believe it is not is that I have reached an age where it isn't seen as my civic duty to be attractive to the male eye anymore. And so I'm "invisible," but, to me, in the best possible way. I am not on the receiving end of objective scrutiny and catcalls. I know men are being kind when they hold a door open, because they don't have ulterior motives. Some women hate that; I think it's an incredibly comfortable place to have landed.

So, being mistaken for a grandma when I'm not wasn't a blow. I wasn't taken for being any "older" than I am; my sister, who is younger than I am, is a grandmother.

Actually, there's an important lesson there: You cannot tell how two people are related by looking at them. I should never make assumptions.

There we have it: The first, and likely not the last, time I was presumed to be the grandma. Very often, when I go to bed at night, I certainly feel as tired as a grandma after a grandkid has visited all day! So it's kind of accurate.

Ol' Granny and Mal, Jr.

Exhaustion, but a Small Victory

It's 3:53, and today has looked like this:

1) Made Mal "stinky eggs" (scrambled), per his request.
2) Read a few books.
3) Got Mal dressed.
4) Took the dog on a walk, pushing Mal in his tricycle/stroller.
5) Drove to storytime at the library.
6) Went to CVS in Lago Vista for cheap Valentine's candy.
7) Got into the car, strapped Mal in, and realized I was charged full price for a $10.99 item I'm going to end up having to take back, but it wasn't worth it at that moment.
8) Took Mal to eat on the patio at the Lago Vista Sonic, but they were doing work on the power pole just beside the restaurant, and it was too noisy, so we waited for our food and came home.
9) Ate lunch on OUR patio, on our turquoise table.
10) Went outside with Mal to try out the bubbles I'd gotten at CVS, and almost immediately, he inhaled when he was supposed to blow on the pipe, and he got a mouth full of soap bubble mix. Tried to grab his hands and bring him inside for water and to clean, but too late. He gagged himself and threw up the pink marshmallow Peep hearts he'd just eaten. Finally got him in, water down his throat, and hands washed. Went outside, dumped water on the slimy soap barf. Came back in for more water. Was filling a bucket and heard Mal crying. Went back out, and he'd "cleaned" up even more... by dumping the bubble liquid (I'd left open) all over the patio to clean some more. And he was crying, "More bubbles." Told him to wait, poured about 6 buckets of water onto the patio, came back in, mixed some dishwashing liquid with water, and went back out to try again. That worked okay temporarily, but I was stressed because, first, it's about that time of the month and, second, the stuff that had just happened... and Mal kept dropping the bubble kazoo down all the way into the mixture, thus ensuring there would be soap on his hands and in his mouth. Ugh.
11) Mowed the back yard while Mal watched Peg + Cat. Tried at first to get him to come out to play, but the practically silent (in comparison) electric lawn mower freaked him out. Like he got up and sat in his water table to make sure it wouldn't get him. It was nowhere near him. I'm not a monster.
12) Came back in and went through the mail, then spent 20 minutes popping bubble wrap with Mal.
13) Mopped the whole house.
14) Took out the trash and recycling.
15) Ordered pasta and chicken for my family from Domino's because I'm officially done with this day.

It hasn't been a bad day, just a long and full one. I'm looking forward to seeing James, and to his being home all weekend.

But I had to share this because it was awesome, and because it happened twice, so I don't think it was a fluke.

First, I have to admit something to you: The other day at the grocery store, I was putting stuff onto the conveyer to check out when Mal grabbed a Hershey's Cookies and Cream bar and had put it (wrapped) into his mouth before I could stop him. I took it from him... and didn't buy it. Because, I'm sorry, but if you're going to put that stuff right there where kids can grab it, you can deal with one loss. Sigh.

Anyhoo, today was a different story.

At CVS, I was looking at sale Valentine's Day candy, and Mal came around the corner with a king-sized Snicker's bar. I said, "Mal, we're getting other candy. Please put that back." And. he. did.

Later, when I was checking out, he saw those big round suckers and grabbed one to bring to me. I said, "I got marshmallow hearts for you. You can have one in the car. Please put the sucker back." And. he. did.

Two times in about four minutes. And no arguing. Just did it. Whew. Maybe we're getting somewhere!