Our Sunday

This morning, Mal woke up asking to go to Target. I told him we would, but only on the condition that he agreed we'd look at the toys but not buy any. "We can look AND play," he informed me. "Yes," I agreed. "Look and play with the toys, but we're not buying any today."

Not that it's incredibly relevant, but on Wednesday, we went to Toys R Us to see how their closing liquidation was going, and they had a Vampirina play set he'd really wanted for some time on sale 25% off, which was a huge improvement over the paltry 10% from the week and a half before when we'd gone in. It's a big one, and they only had two left, so we bought it. Then yesterday, we'd gone to Target and had gotten three (more) Disney Cars for him to add to his collection. So he's cleaned up this week.

We went to Super Donut on the way, I got a lemon kolache and a maple bar, both were amazing, but Mal only ate his sprinkle doughnut and decided to bring the chocolate doughnut holes home to Daddy because he was READY to go to Target.

When we got there, he immediately picked out three Cars that he wanted to get. I reminded him gently that I wasn't going to buy toys for him today. He said, "Mommy, don't talk and don't move your head." I was quiet until he asked for help looking at another car, when I said, "You can look at it, but we're not going to buy it." Very calmly, Mal said, "Don't talk or I'll have to kill you."

He was sitting in the basket of the cart holding these cars, and I suggested we go to other aisles and look at other toys. While I did, he said, "Daddy told me it was okay to buy these cars." Like about 8 times. I said, "You don't seem interested in looking at other toys, so let's just go get our groceries." As we walked past the Cars aisle, I asked, "Do you want to put the cars back now, or hold them until we get up front, then the cashier will have to put them away?" He elected to hold on to them.

I picked up a few groceries and we got in line. Mal was holding the cars close, saying, "I'm a super hero, and I'm protecting my cars!" I again gently reminded him, "You can hold on to them for about 3 more minutes, then we have to give them back." He said, "Pew, pew, pew, Mommy; you're dead!"

After I checked out, I leaned into Mal and said, "I need you to give me these so we can leave them here." He was so so sad, but just let them go and started crying. He said, "Now no one can ever play with Disney Cars!"

Walking out to the car, he said, "I don't understand why we have money for groceries but not money for toys!" Ahh, the eternal conflict. I tried to explain that we have to eat, and we have to budget for food so we can live, and also that we'd spent a LOT of money on toys this week. He cried most of the way home.

When we got back, we were talking and he said, "I had the cars, but you STOLED them from me!" He was so sad for about an hour, then we got distracted by reading books. He actually picked out "Red Hat, Blue Hat" by Sandra Boynton, and read it to me first. He announced, "'Red Hat, Blue Hat' by Sandra Boynton." It was so cool! I remember reading when D was a child that it was important to read the author's name after the title, just so they'd realize that humans produce books. Anyway, he "read" the picture book mostly correctly, though he skipped the next-to-last page, then asked me to read to him. We went through most of our Boynton collection before James got home and we'd started in on The Cube Game.

Now... before I go on, I want to mention two things: It's taken YEARS, but more, when Mal has times of pushing back against limits to his autonomy (i.e. he would have gotten those toys under his own volition), although I sometimes am worn out, I am genuinely not frustrated or angry. I can empathize, because I've chosen to.

Also, some people would find the "threats" and talk of death horrifying, but Mal has only cartoon context for what "death" is, and clearly no violent intent, as he physically wilted, surrendering the toys when I asked, although maintaining his verbal dissent. I think this is actually quite mature. He will, of course, learn in time that threats aren't the ideal way to handle disappointment, but today, I think we both did okay. And I did laugh, hopefully mostly internally, at many of the things he said in trying to persuade me to come around to his way of thinking.

We ended up having a fun rest of the day. James and Mal walked down to the park while I helped a little girl who'd had a bike wreck across from our side yard, then I joined them for a while. It was a gorgeous day, and the lake was packed.

Concentrating mightily on the climb.

One more funny thing Mal said: Tonight, I was putting on his nighttime diaper, a thing he hates (ironically, he also hates using the actual restroom right now, too; we're going on three days with no business and I think I'm going to have to slip a softener in his drink tomorrow, so when he finally does go, it's not horrifying and painful). James was standing there watching us, and Mal said, "Daddy! Get this woman off of me!"