Baby needs a new pair of shoes

Actually, he doesn't need shoes anymore because I got a pair at Gymboree today (or Saturday, since it's now two days later and I didn't get very far on the blog post that day).

After I dropped Daphne off at her dad's, I went to Lakeline Mall so Mal could play on the indoor playground. He liked it but got overwhelmed by the noise and activity after a while, so that when, 40 minutes after we got there, he pitched forward and carpet-burned his forehead a bit, he was READY to go.

This is when he was still having a good time.

After Mal was done playing, I strapped him into the carrier and we walked. First, the food court at Lakeline Mall is beautiful. I should have taken pictures of the curved building facades but, honestly, I didn't see them until I was on the floor below.

I walked past two trolls and pondered briefly before turning around, chasing them down, and asking if I could take their picture for Daphne. She loves Homestuck, and I love Austin!

THEY. ARE. AWESOME.
Way to be yourselves... err... cosplay... err... whatever for no other reason than that you want to. <3
(Yes, I know what that sign means.)

After that, we went to FYE where found Daphne a rare Gravity Falls T-shirt. They had the whole "buy one/get one half price" thing going on, and I can't resist, so I got James a Deadpool shirt, too.

Then I went downstairs to check out Gymboree because I had seen a sign that said the "whole store" was $12.99 or less. I had to ask at the desk whether that also meant shoes, because Mal could use some, but their shoes are like $27... and he'll barely wear them at all, then he will outgrow them. So no. As it turns out, they were! I ended up spending about $80 (got a lot of 18-24 month stuff because he's outgrowing 12-18 month clothes already) on what was originally ticketed to be over $300. Which means I wouldn't have bought the stuff before. I got Mal a jacket for next winter, some shorts and pants for now, the shoes, and just a cute shirt he can't wear until it cools down in the fall.

I was chatting with the cashier and mentioned that James had started working again, and that was good because we were literally at the point of "baby needs a new pair of shoes." So I like to think of this weekend as the kickoff of our month-long spending spree.

Why? You ask.

We are moving. We need stuff. Lots and lots of stuff. Plus the moving itself (we're hiring people and a truck) and double rent and utilities for 30 days. We were on "no non-essentials" while James wasn't working, and now we're going to reverse our fortunes. Actually, we will have to dig into savings a bit, but I don't mind because we will be able to replenish it soon enough. We didn't have to touch it when he was unemployed and I'm grateful! Between unemployment insurance, tightening our habits, and the fact that all of the IRS stuff ended up being pretty much a wash so that they sent US money after we'd sent THEM money, we were able to float on what we had.

What do we need?

ITEM 1: Washing machine. After living here, I've found that I do. not. like. the high-efficiency front-loaders. We'd looked at top-loaders, and after doing a bunch of research, James ended up settling on (and I agree because I'm too tired to research and I trust him) a very unattractive, VERY dependable Speed Queen. Yes, the kind they use in laundromats. No electronics. A 15-year warranty on the transmission, and a lifetime warranty on the tub.and basket. Holla! ITEM 2 is a dryer, and we'll probably just get a Speed Queen and call it a matched set.

Update: I just bought them. I love the internet.

ITEM 3: Vacuum cleaner. After more research, James decided on (and I agree, because... see above) on the Shark Navigator Deluxe, which is the highest-rated vacuum cleaner on Amazon.com.

ITEM 4: We're "investing" in new litter boxes. I say this because the ones we're buying are ridiculously expensive. However, the "lids" lock down, so Mal shouldn't be able to get into them, which he has shown us he can do with the regular ones now that he's mobile. I'm also hoping it cuts down on litter tracking. Fingers crossed, or we're going to feel like idiots for spending a bazillion dollars on three litter boxes.




ITEM 5: A new mattress for James and me. I think we've been too tired to do much about this one.

ITEM 6: Vitamix! We'll finally have room!

ITEM 7: A computer desk for Daphne. She's had a little game table for two years and needs room to draw. So we're getting a corner desk that has room for her computer and for her other activities.

Then we're starting over with a bunch of little stuff like cleaning supplies and spices. The spices are a serious need. Austin is bizarre. The other day, I opened a SEALED jar of instant coffee to put some in a cake I was making, and the crystals were all clumped together. I had to mine it out! I have to bang the onion powder on the counter before I can use a bit of it, etc. So humid here. It's ridiculous, and we just need to call it a day on the stuff we have. We need to throw away a lot of Hamburger Helper, too. I already went through and tossed James' canned goods from 2010. He did an apocalypse preparation a few years ago, and now we're better off starting that over, too, if it's still important to him.

So, I'm grateful James has an income again, and while I don't love throwing away the dough, it's neat to be making some cool changes. Thanks for being along for the ride!

Confessions of a mom in the trenches

Some time this week, I realized that we've hit the sweet spot: That stage of infancy where it starts getting... well, funner. I have always loved Mal, but I'm starting to like him. I'm sorry if that sounds awful, but it's true. I have not enjoyed being a mom the first six months of either of my kids' lives, and I realized this time around that even knowing that in advance doesn't make it any easier when you're in it!

But now, we're starting to have a great time. Mal makes me laugh every day. He's still a lot needier than Daphne ever was, and he defaults to fussing more often than I'd like, but he's also charming and funny as heck and can play games and give affection and is just an amazing little kid to watch. 

One of the things he does now is respond to James' and my laughter by getting very tickled. Today, he was doing something weird like trying to chew on my nose (which he's done with James in the past, but never me) and it made me laugh so hard, he started laughing, too, like he meant to be funny all along.

He has at least 5 teeth now, and maybe 7. The middle two on the bottom are prominent, and he has three growing in on top, just missing the middle right tooth. He might have the two on bottom on either side growing in, but he's hesitant to let me touch his mouth much.

Mal misses James during the day, having had him home for two months while James job-hunted. It's cute and sad to see him cry when James leaves for work in the morning now. And he get so excited when James gets home.

Mal loves Daphne. She's still not sold on him, but he couldn't care less. He watches her and smiles at her and seems so hopeful that she's going to come around and adore him one day. James said he apologized once to Khrys for how awful James was to his little brother, and apparently Khrys has no memory of this abuse, but recalls James sticking up for him with friends. Maybe this is how littles' brains work. Gosh, I hope so!

Speaking of Daphne... A couple of months ago, I was reading through the journal I kept when she was a baby and came across something that made me facepalm for my early hubris. I pontificated about the peer-dependent culture in which I was schooled, and theorized that my relationship with Daphne would be different because she wouldn't be stuck in a room with similarly-aged kids all day and learn to see grown-ups as the enemy.

Well, guess what? Daphne age-typically does not enjoy being around me, things I say upset her for reasons I cannot begin to understand (and she either can't - which is what she says - or just won't tell me why), and there is always such a level of push-back I feel from her, even though I'm super laid back and actually don't push ON her much at all.

It is so difficult right now, and I wish I knew why or what to do to fix it. I miss her. I mean, I see her every day, and, yes, I can *make* her go places and do things with me, but they're typically so stilted and awkward and tiring, it's barely worth it. I miss the days when she wanted to go places, even to the grocery store, with me. Last week, my sister's younger daughter rode with her to take my older niece to see my parents. Daphne would never drive to Waco with me just for the chance to get out of the house and chat with me for two hours.

Tonight, D went with us to dinner (often she prefers not to) and it was okay, but toward the end, I said something that made her cry, and she couldn't articulate why it upset her, so I don't know how to avoid doing it again. She cried when we went to the mall last time. Actually, I cried on the way home because her obvious unhappiness with being around me hurts my feelings and spills out sometimes, too. And I get it: Mal is always with me, so some of it may be that. But it hurts me that she doesn't like him, either. I get oversensitive and jump on her for shooting him a dirty look when he behaves in a normal baby way (like tonight, trying to pull the plastic table cover off of the table) and then end up getting on to her for her "attitude," which she denies.

It's just messy and I've told her I don't know how to fix it, and I don't think she does, either.

I have so many friends who have said, "It's not necessary for your teenagers to rebel," and I had hope... but I'm starting to think that kids are who they are, and some are just going to do what they do regardless of what you've done as a parent.

Actually, a book I'm reading right now called "The Relationship Approach" goes into that a lot. It talks about how, in your kid's adolescence, you cannot control their behavior like you felt you could when they were little, so the most important thing is fostering the relationship you will have with them as adults (and before you say, "But they can't get away with murder!" you should read the book; it's not about becoming a doormat for your kids).

A lot of what I've been reading and thinking about lately pertains to mindfulness and gentle parenting. I realize that I was very overbearing toward Daphne when she was little, and she was actually a pretty great kid. Some of this might be backlash for that.

Anyway, that's where we are right now, and I just wanted to keep it real. Tomorrow is another day... and I'm taking Mal up to Lakeline Mall to the playground after I drop D at her dad's.

Welcome to the 90s! (Or, I got a smart phone! Specifically the ZTE Zmax)

It happened, peoples. I finally broke down -- rather, my phone broke down necessitating my buying a smart phone. All right, all right... I could have replaced it with another simple phone, but phones are so super cheap now, I couldn't resist.

I got a ZTE Zmax... of which no one has heard. And, unfortunately, there is something stuck under the "z" on my laptop keyboard, so this entry is super inconvenient to type.

c|net gives it a decent review, but they're also phone snobbier than I am. I just saw "big" and thought it'd be awesome. I rarely use my phone as a phone; mostly, I use it to text people. But my laptop is feeling like a monolith these days, and I'd toyed with the idea of getting an actual tablet once we move. That way, it'd be convenient for using just for recipes in the kitchen, and listening to podcasts on a device small enough to move from room to room with me. So, this "phablet" seems to be the perfect choice, thus saving us over $1000.

Big, but not too big. (That's what she said.)

Okay, first the dirty details: This unit was $179 at Walmart (yes, I know... ugh, but they got me with the cheapness). I'm paying just under $30 a month for unlimited talk, text, and data. It's through Walmart Family Wireless, via T+Mobile, and don't ask me how they manage that when I was paying T-Mobile $50 a month for the same thing before. Whatever.

One other cool thing about the Family Plan at Walmart is that each additional line (up to 5, I think) is $5 less, so between Daphne and me, we're still paying less than I was paying when I had my phone unlimited and hers text only! She can make phone calls now! She won't, but she could.

Just to compare, here is a side-by-side-by-side picture of D's new LG90, James' Samsung Galaxy S3, and my ZTE Zmax.

One of my favorite things, because I'm a dork, is the "live" wallpaper. It moves constantly and responds to touch.

I've made calls, messed with apps, and used the wireless and the 4G, all with good results. Today, I received my glass protection and case. It adds very little to the profile, but will hopefully protect my new investment.

It's rubbery; in the pictures, it looked like plastic. I like the feel much better!

The buttons are covered but accessible.

Now it won't slip out of my grip!

One of my favorite things about the size of this "phablet" is that it's small enough to fit into my purse (actually, coincidentally, there's a pocket the EXACT same size as the phone) but big enough that I can comfortably read websites and watch television programs!

We'll see how the battery life holds up, and if I end up hitting the end of my 500MB of 4G speeds, how the slow-down affects stuff. So far, I've only streamed video using wi-fi, and even when I've watched an hour-long show and done some online shopping, etc. I haven't gotten the battery much below half in one day.

In other words, so far, so good!

Another "random updates" post!

Still thinking a lot about the unschooling convention, and James has started a blog post of his own, but he hasn't finished or therefore published it yet. I have a feeling my parenting, at least, is changing a bit (or maybe drastically). I fear that I am becoming a dirty hippy, but we'll see. It might be a change for the better.

In other news: Mal's ear infection from before the get-away barely had time to heal before he started getting sick again. Last night was the worst, so we took him to the doctor for a follow-up today. If he hadn't had the ear infection, I might have let it go longer, but I've learned that when I get to the point of "I don't want to be around my child one more second" phase, it probably means that a visit to a medical professional is in order. Fortunately, eyes, ears, nose, throat, and lungs are all clear. Unfortunately, Mal has a killer cold and we just have to wait for the post-nasal drip and cough to clear up. He slept about 5 hours today, so hopefully that's helping him. I really hope he sleeps tonight; I didn't get much in the way of shut-eye last night, and I could use the snooze.

It's weird: the antibiotic we got wasn't properly reconstituted and had only 14 doses instead of 20. Maybe it's not such a bad thing that we're changing pharmacies soon.

Last week, something interesting happened. It was about the same time we received the cool "textural" toys from James' mom. One of the toys is just a jean pocket with a little purple bear inside. Mal will play with the bear, then I'll put it into the pocket and ask, "Where did the bear go?" More than half of the time, he'll look into th pocket and try to pull out the bear. (The rest of the times, he's already moved his attention to something else.)

So, about the same time, I had hopped into the shower and James was watching Mal. It was around the time he had started getting sick again. He was not happy that I'd left him, and even though James was hanging out with him in his room, Mal was fussing and crawled out of the room, through the living room, to the washing machine, and then started pounding on the bathroom door. I was in the shower so didn't answer, so he just sat there in the hall, crying and pounding on the door.

Sad picture, but... We have object permanence! Yea! That's a huge milestone! He did the same thing today, when I'd stepped out to use the restroom. This time, I hadn't properly latched the door, so he was able to open it and crawl in crying. This boy loves his mama.

We sign our lease three weeks from tomorrow, and will give ourselves a month's overlap to move slowly to the new place. I'm ready for more room, James and D are ready for more privacy in terms of their "offices," and Mal doesn't care as long as I'm there. Heck, he'd have lived at the cabin, happily. That loft was like the world's biggest playpen, and we were in it with him!

We've started getting ready by starting to pare down things. One of the things we'd talked about doing was getting rid of our bed frame and putting our mattress on the floor. It's just one less thing to move, it eliminates the temptation to stash a bunch of worthless crap under the bed, and for now, it makes it less nerve-wracking when Mal is sleeping near the edge. We implemented that pretty much the day after we got home, and we're love it! The bed it a lot firmer on the ground, and now that the rollers are gone, I don't hate the wood floor as much.

Interestingly (to me), after we decided to do that - but before we did it - I came upon this website called Bedstart. It is about making your little one's bedroom baby-friendly by putting the mattress on the floor and having everything at his level. To that end, we sold Mal's crib over the weekend and it feels like his room is huge! We also got rid of one of his "floor" toys, and his lamp. The lamp I love, but he constantly wants to play with the cord and pull it over on himself and crinkle the paper shade, and the point of Bedstart is that the whole room is free for the kid to play in.

Something I'd never thought of before was that, say Mal wanted to go to sleep on his own in the middle of playing. He'd have to pass out on the floor because he can't climb into the crib. This allows him to get "into" bed if he wants to. I know, I know. Stop laughing. It might happen sometime. Anyway, I like the way it looks and "feels." A lot more comfortable.

He's having fun!

That said, this poor kid is 7 months old and some change and has never once "just" fallen asleep. There's always something. He just can't transition into sleep without motion or nursing. Everyone assures me this will change eventually, and I trust them. To a point. I am hoping, mostly. Sooner than later would be awesome. For now, we're just keeping on keeping on.

I need to write a letter to our landlord. We are hoping they'll let us out of one month of our lease here. On Monday and Tuesday, TWO PEOPLE walked into our house and neither of them was a delivery person! The first was a guy who thought we were an office and wanted to lease the space (there is a sign in the yard). The second was a lady who thought we were the leasing office for the apartments across the street. And that sweet lady just needed someone to talk to, because after James walked her out, she kept chatting for about five full minutes. "That place across the street, I applied for a job there once. 'Tiff's Treats.' I thought it was dog treats, but did you know what they sell cookies and ice cream?" Huh, yeah; we've heard.

I know, I know (again). We need to lock our door! Well, we do. But sometimes, we're in the process of bringing in groceries, or I've just wheeled Mal in in his stroller and we need a quick diaper change, so I skip it for the moment. I'm guessing this won't be an issue at our new place.

Neither will the chronically slow drains. We have to plunge the toilet and the bathroom sink at least once a week because they get clogged and back up. I had to run the dishwasher four times last week to get it to drain. They've done some work on the lines outside, but apparently there are roots in the line and they keep growing back.

Finally, having stuff out in the kitchen (on baker's racks, due to no storage space) is getting dangerous as Mal has become mobile. He pulled three nested glass storage bowls off into the floor the other day, but fortunately they didn't shatter. The sound scared him, so maybe that thought will stick and he won't try again.

More later or I'll never post this. :)

Review: GlassesUSA internet optical store

Although I haven't had medical insurance in more than a dozen years, when James' job has offered it, I have had vision insurance. I am myopic to a ridiculous degree, and my dad's eye history is abysmal (although by my age, he'd already had at least two retinal detachments - and, yes, I know you only have 2 retinas, but one detached twice -, glaucoma, and cataracts; so I kind of feel like I've dodged a genetic bullet at this point).

I had planned to go in for a check-up when James lost his job and before the insurance expired... truly, I did. I don't know whether I've mentioned this, but I have a baby and that often gets in the way of my plans. Point is, I never made it, and three days after it expired, I sat on my 17-year-old glasses.

Fortunately, we'd built up a reserve in the HSA, so even though I had to pay for my eye exam, it didn't put a dent in our household budget. As an aside, Modern Eyes at West Campus is awesome! James had planned to watch Mal for me while I got examined, but he'd been up late working on a prospective job homework assignment, and I didn't have the heart to wake him. The doctor and the staff were so calm and accommodating to my having a squirmy and occasionally noisy kid with me.

One good thing: the last time I got a contact prescription (which was probably at least 6 years ago, and maybe longer... but thanks to the doctor who kept faxing that aged prescription into 1-800-Contacts), the doctor said that he thought my eyes were getting lazy. One of my eyes was at -750, and the other at -850. He dialed them both back to -650 and said my eyes needed to work or they'd get worse. Well, this time, the eye doctor said she felt like I could go back to a -600 in both eyes (the glasses prescription is different, closer to my old contact prescription, which I don't understand, but I'm not an optometrist!... or a postmistress, which is how spell-check suggested my original misspelling of optometrist be corrected.).

She gave me a laminated script for my glasses, which I brought home and immediately got online at GlassesUSA, My friend (whom I've never officially met, but have known for more than a decade and a half, and who sent me her fat clothes after I had D and most of my wardrobe was in storage in Spokane for 3 months) had recommended them, as they have a fairly wide variety of frames that aren't too expensive.

Here's the first good thing: If you sign up for an account and to get email from them, you get 50% off of your first purchase. Understand that you also have to purchase a care package for your lenses, depending on which level of frame you get; mine cost about $50 for scratch-coating, and... whatever else was part of the deal. Anyway, the half off is for the frames and base lenses so, for instance, my discount was $52 but I paid about $100 total.

Have you brought frames in the store lately? That's a mere pittance!

Okay, but here's the sort of awesome fun part about GlassesUSA: You can upload a picture of yourself (facing straight ahead, please) and then work to center some hash marks on your pupils (or center your pupils on hash marks, whichever) to get a virtual preview of how the glasses will work on you.

Pretty cool, right? Also, you can search by size of frame (s,m,l), style (square, circular, browline, oversized, etc.), color, material, brand, and several other parameters. You get to view the glasses front-on both by themselves and on your own face (or pick one of their stock models, all of whom are more attractive than I am, so that doesn't help me.), then also from the side and at an angle.

In the end, these are the ones I chose.

Now, as someone with extreme myopia, I knew one thing for sure: The glasses would not look like this on my face. I have thick lenses, even with the new, awesomely-improved-over-grade-school thinner lenses. Still, the lenses make my eyes look smaller and beadier, so that would be a thing.

After I placed my order, I immediately realized that I'd stupidly forgotten to put in my discount code for half off! So I both clicked on "live chat" on the page, and when I was holding for a rep there, I also called them. Within five minutes, they'd refunded the $52 to my debit card, no problem. That was great customer service!

It took about two weeks to fabricate, ship, and receive my glasses. They sent out email updates when the glasses were put together and preparing to be tested, and when they'd been shipped.

I love that the box they come in is tiny; it's just the exact size of the glasses case... which is really sturdy and nice! Maybe all glasses come in such cases now. I wouldn't know; I have never died. (That's true, but it was an auto-Harry-Potter reference.) I wouldn't know; I haven't bought glasses in nearly two decades!

I was super excited to find them a lot brighter than the glasses online. I like the plum better than the blackish purple. Also, nice wipe. Hopefully I can keep that in the case for ever and never have to use the tail of Mal's onsie again.

How fun are they?! I love them!

And last night, there was a really cool sunset... or at least it seemed so from the light pouring into the back of our house. The back of our house is opposite the sunset, which meant that although it was cloudy, brilliant sunlight was spilling all over the tall condos behind us and reflecting our way. I wanted to see it, so James and I walked down the street and all the way up to the top of a parking garage (yes, I was carrying my baby in my arms; I'm kind of a rock star that way... a very tired rock star) so we might catch a glimpse of it. But what I noticed most was the detail of everything!

I was looking out over the Austin skyline and the trees and the office buildings, and everything looked like Google Maps 3D or something. It was like seeing a high-def television for the first time. I guess I was so used to seeing perfectly in contacts and whatever it was in my old glasses, that I hadn't realized how inappropriate the prescription was. Now I can see everything! Although it took me about two hours to get used to how things seemed to slope up from the bottom, and be closer to me than they "felt" before.

And what do they look like on? Here.

I like them! They're actually not too terribly close-looking to how they appeared online, though. Don't remember? Don't want to scroll up? Well, let me help you out there.

Now, aside from the fact that one of those photos was taken (and doctored) by a professional and the other was a living room selfie (and the first taken back when I was able to actually fix my hair), you can see the the frames are actually quite a bit larger on my real face than they were the picture I uploaded. The website actually gives physical measurements so you can compare it to your existing frames, but... me? Math? Pehh. 

Final conclusion: Neat experience, great money-saver, and the glasses are not flimsy crap. They are well-made and have a 365 day warranty. However, I'd probably stick with small frames (these are medium) because I do like that general line. The upshot of having bigger frames, though, is that my field of vision is a lot wider than it was with my old glasses. Last night when I drove to Krispy Kreme for doughnuts at 9 PM, I had none of the "I hate driving at night!" fear that I have had in the past when trying to navigate traffic in the dark. So I'm happy with my purchase and thrilled with what I paid.

Fourth and final full day of the Texas Unschoolers Conference 2015

This morning, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed (and ready for cacao!), James and I went to a funshop put on by Chocology owner Linda Johnson (and her daughter, Madeline). This was the first seminar/class/what-have-you that we've attended where there have been children! At 9 AM, even! (Daphne was still asleep; she had waited for the wi-fi to come back on last night.)

Linda briefly went into what chocolate is and where it's grown, but then quickly got to the tasting. She imports and resells chocolate from Belgium, so we were given a piece (called "couverture" by people who care about that kind of thing) of white, milk, and dark chocolates.

It was interesting to me that the milk and dark chocolates appeared identical (there is actually more color difference in this picture than when I held them in my hand), so I thought maybe I'd gotten two of the same kind. But no. The chocolates were smooth and had the perfect "snap" (white "chocolate" doesn't, though) and amazing. American chocolate can try, but we can't do it.

Next, we were given samples of Fat Ass Fudge, recently obtained by Chocology and featured at some point in the past on Shark Tank. At the risk of offending my father and his Christmas offering, this is the best fudge I've ever eaten. So smooth. So "bedicious."

Dark chocolate with nuts, white chocolate, and cappuccino. Yursss.

Linda and her daughter are on a very long road trip, a "Giving Back Tour," which you can follow here at their blog. This is literally where the rubber hits the road, educationally-speaking. I was about to get on a soapbox, but am choosing to avoid digression.

Finally, Linda had a challenge: she'd hidden gummies in chocolate pudding, and whoever found 5 got fudge. One dad got into the act (James probably would have, but he'd taken Mal outside so I could finish the event, since Mal had decided to be fussy and noisy; I have a great husband!), and watching the kids' different strategies was a lot of fun.

After that, we came back to the cabin, regrouped a little, and headed over to "coffee chat," which was a discussion about talking about sex and establishing bodily autonomy with your child from an early age. It was very good; mostly, I did the right stuff with Daphne (even though it hurt my Mema's feelings when I defended Daphne's right not to physically greet her :( ) but the refresher is always good. She recommended a couple of books and I'm going to order the first soon. For younger kids, there's It's Not the Stork! and then for older kids, It's Perfectly Normal.

One of my favorite things about this talk was the introduction, where Amy mentioned that, regarding cookies, we don't keep cookies away from our kids until they're 10, then kind of say, "They have flour in them" if they ask a question, then give them a book when they're 12 and tell them not to make cookies until they feel like they're ready. Just starting the conversation from a young age helps. I use the word "penis" with Mal, but do still call his scrotum "junk" sometimes. I probably won't stop that. I think it's important for kids to learn slang.

James was going to go to Jack in the Box to get us lunch so that I wouldn't have to get Mal into the car seat, but then we realized it's so close, we decided to walk. Hot, muggy, sunny, but a good time together.

Outside of the fence line, we scavenged about 50 Nerf bullets, only about 6 of which were marked. Score!

We got to the restaurant, ordered our food (for Daphne, an ultimate cheeseburger with ketchup as the only sauce; "So no cheese?" Um... no. Why would we order a cheeseless cheeseburger? "So, cheese... and do you want mayo?" NO, JUST KETCHUP!), and Mal was so good, sitting in the stroller and chewing with intensity on one of the Max Nerf bullets. But ten minutes later, we didn't have our food... and they weren't busy. At fifteen minutes, I remarked that we should have gotten the food to go. James posited that our special order had messed things up. After 20 minutes, he went and told the cashier we'd like the things to go... and found out that they'd totally cleared our order out of the system and never would have made it. *sigh*

But it worked out, because we got to eat as a family. And Daphne's burger did have mayo on it.

Mal was tired but resisting sleep, so I took him swimming. I tried to fashion a pool noodle I bought in the park office as the "boat" device we used in swim classes, but a) it's been too long and he FREAKED out and b) he needs a sturdier noodle 'cause dude is a hoss. But he laughed and enjoyed the pool for about half an hour, then started zoning out.

We came back to the cabin for him to nap, then went over to the swap meet and market. We ended up buying a pound and a half of "scratch and dent" fudge (it was just the label; I mean, who cares? but yay for a discount!) from Linda, and I got a DK animal encyclopedia for Mal. It's perfect in that it's a small format (thick but not unwieldy), but of course he just wanted to eat it, so we'll save it for later. If he's anything like Daphne was, he'll be buried in that book for hours one day. (I know, so far he's *nothing* like her, but he does seem to appreciate animals.)

There was a cookout at 6:30, and I met another lady from Austin. Her son is 12, and I don't think Daphne met him, but maybe we can reconnect at home.

At 8 was a showing of "Class Dismissed," which I wanted so much to see... but after only one brief and one hour-long nap today, Mal was DONE. I started packing up in the cabin, but he was sobbing by 7:45, so we came upstairs to play a while in the dark and help him unwind, then he was out by 8:30. We will leave in the morning after a final "good-bye" (to which Daphne wants to go) and should be home in time for lunch, but able to miss rush hour traffic.

It's been a great long weekend!

Some things to think about from the Texas Unschoolers Conference 2015...

This is just some random stuff that's been knocking around in my brain all weekend. I don't have answers or maybe even anything remotely interesting, but just things over which I have been ruminating.

Kids
They don't have a homogeneous appearance. A friend posted this to my Facebook timeline last week:

When my mom saw it, at first glance she thought it was a picture of my friends and me. Looking at it on my phone, it could have been. Although the girls are individuals with slightly different takes on the look, it is still very certainly one specific look. And there is the same sort of similarities in todays' girls (boys just kind of look classically boyish most of the time... except for mullets). They might have variations on a theme, but there is a conventional norm that is overall the aim. Not here.

The girls here, you'd be hard-pressed to lump together in regards to inspirations for their style of dress, hair, or deportment. Flock of Seagulls? Blue? Pink-to-blonde? Afro? Shaved except on top? Long? Straight? Ponytail? Trucker hat? Big floppy sun hat? Sweat jacket even though it's 80? T-shirt? Sci-fi captain-inspired outfit? Same thing the entire 4 days? It all goes, and they all hang out together. It's like when no one tells a kid what is "normal" appearance-wise, they have the freedom to pick. Maybe it flatters them, maybe it doesn't. No one tells them they have to change, and they're comfortable and happy. 

I was telling James about this and thought of two things: First, the recent story about the girl had to fight for permission to wear a tuxedo to her school prom... and, honestly, this shouldn't have had to be championed by a lesbian rights group, because straight girls might want to wear a tux to their prom, too, and what's the big deal? I can't even believe that this is a thing. But secondly, I remembered a girl who once rented an old-time Southern belle dress from a costume shop instead of getting a modern dress when she went to her senior prom. Was it the best look for me? Um, I mean "her"? Not according to her stylish friend, who after the fact advised her what the styling should have been (if only I'd known him in high school! She. Him. Someone else entirely). However, that person was excited about the idea, and comfortable, and happy. I'm not sure how I escaped the vortex of "normal," but I did. And in that case, I was totally un-self-conscious.

Anyway, it's satisfying to know that these kids get to be themselves without having to fit that expression into the confines of what is considered "not distracting to the educational process" or tantamount to social suicide or labeling.

Dads
There are a lot of dads here! Dads in the seminars, dads watching kids so the moms can go to seminars, dads baby-wearing, dads up to their eyeballs in the process. When we were having dinner with Dr. Gray on Thursday (yes, I'm going to milk that for all its worth), he was talking about how it's often the fathers who push back against unschooling, and how he's always wondered why. After exploring options such as personality, ideas about formal education leading to better jobs, etc. he said he thinks the actual explanation is the most boring: That moms make the educational decisions about their kids, and that dads are left either to agree or oppose. The dads here aren't passive. They're present. I love it!

Discipline vs. Coercion 
This is one of the big ones. I have to think on this one a lot. Unschooling is practiced on many levels, but at its core is the idea that kids have passions to follow, that frog-marching them through extraneous curricula is disservice to them, and that they will learn what they need to know.

For a lot of families, that carries over into their parenting. I've read from and heard about parents who think if you tell your child "no" about anything, you're not technically "unschooling," but I think that is actual "unparenting," and it's not what most of us are about.

However, in talking to another mom about attachment parenting, she said something that sort of bridged a gap for me in regards to how unschoolers make the leap to less (or no) demanding parenting: I had mentioned that I'm not philosophically an attachment parent but had become one in practice, due to Mal's sensitivity. She said, "Well, at its heart, attachment parenting is about responding to a child's needs, and that's what you're doing. It's considering the child a full person from day one, and it sounds like you've got it."

That sounds so simple.

And maybe it is.

Bridging the gap between infant care to parenting a toddler and child, and then pulling in another bridge from the educational philosophy of "they have what they need and it will work," I've started really considering the difference between disciplining a child and coercing or attempting to control them.

In the past few months with Mal, I've felt very ashamed and regretful about the ways I tried to control Daphne when she was a baby ("It's too early for her to be waking up!" and angry about it), and then when she was a little kid ("Sit here and do this!" while she cried, but I was determined to win a battle of wills, even if the actual thing wasn't important).

I've rolled my eyes when I've read things about not "making" kids say "thank you" or "please" but just modeling it for them and trusting that they will pick it up. Things like that. But then a couple of things have happened:

1) I see my 13-year-old, who very dutifully said "thank you" and "please" and was quite pleasant and often compliant as a child (though not always), and who never swore, though she knew of swear words, etc. now testing the limits, as teenagers are wont to do. Eventually, and for the rest of her life, she's going to have to choose whether to be socially engaging or not, inoffensive or not, and all of the etc.s again, so where did that "training" get us? She has learned to express gratitude in her own way, and my forcing her to say a cursory "thanks" really didn't do anything for that. I could have done the same thing by thanking people myself, and talking to her about how kind they were to be so generous. Then her expression of thanks would have been genuine instead of mandatory.

2) I read something that appealed to the "black/white"-I-get-how-kids-think part of my brain: Forcing a kid to say something to receive something or stay out of trouble is, in practice, teaching them to lie to get what they want. "I'm not sorry, but if I don't say that I am, then I will get grounded."

When I worked at Boys Town, I was continually frustrated by the process of behavior modification. I saw them playing the system. They would act compliant to build up points to get things they wanted, but they weren't internalizing the discipline. They were still sneaking out, acting out, running away. I talked about it to our house coach guy, and he said, in essence, that it was the program for all of this time because it worked... that if the kids acted a certain way long enough, they'd become the person their behavior indicated. I'm not sure I believe this. I think it has to be the other way around. That whole "overflow of the heart" thing the Bible talks about.

What is the point of all of this? At present, it has more to do with Daphne than Mal, but I need to think it through for him, too. We don't have any "screen time" limits with Daphne but have thought about it because of how late she stays up and how late she sleeps. Also, I have signed her up for things she might be marginally interested in, but wouldn't choose to go if I weren't forcing her. And I'm really thinking about my motives and am reconsidering a lot.

I need to think about it for a while. Like I said, I don't have any answers. I was listening to "Focus on the Family" recently when a guest said that he thinks one of the biggest mistakes parents make is trying to have "a great kid," when we actually need to parent toward "a great adult."

Thinking... thinking...

This group and The Church
Oh, man, unschoolers are an eclectic group. But you know what? So far, everyone with whom I've talked, even if they've had a different idea about something than mine, has been lovely. If they disagree, they'll often first affirm me and then reframe what I just said toward their thinking, without making me feel like I'm doing it wrong. There are families with two parents, single moms and dads, at least one lesbian couple, every color of the pigmentation rainbow, different socio-economic levels, varying ages, etc. And everyone is getting along and I think has genuine affection for and interest in each other. This is how The Church should be! I've experienced it before, where it feels like "home" from the beginning, but not always, and not even a majority of the time. It's a wake up call to me to create that vibe myself.