Good NEWS!

 ...No one is dead, though, so don't worry.

You might have read my last post. It's been a crazy couple of weeks.

Today, Informed Delivery told me that I would be getting a piece of mail from my mortgage lender. I was hopeful that it was an updated escrow calculation, because I'd just looked last week to see that our payment amount changed last year in May and knew we were getting close to that time.

I was excited because we had finally managed to merge our three lots last year (after asking about it in 2018 and being denied due to a snafu, then thinking it was impossible until someone recommended I try doing it in 2023 when I was protesting our value -- as I have every year).

WELL, I was right. That's what it was. And the good news is that our monthly payment is going down by $350! We're within $200 of what the original payment was, before property values soared, then we refinanced it and got it down a bit, and then it went way up again. I'm grateful. This will be a huge break for us.

BUT what I was not expecting was... A FAT REFUND CHECK FROM LAST YEAR.

I suppose that makes sense: We underpay and we have to make it up. But I guess I just assumed they'd keep the overage in escrow to pay next year's. 

Oh my gosh, what a giant relief.

It covers the car, all of the maintenance guys, and the trip we're taking very soon.

But don't worry; I'm not going to get too big for my britches.

Even as I opened this up to write this awesome post, the keyboard on my laptop stopped working, so this is how I'm managing at the moment:

It is always something, is it not??

Still... a pretty uplifting afternoon, all things considered.

Long Weekend in the "Woods"

About a week ago, James found out that his company was gifting the employees Friday off as well as Memorial Day. Normally, I do. not. travel during high-occupancy times, but this seemed like the perfect time to get a little break from the monotony of everyone's being in the house and in the neighborhood 24/7.

At first, I booked a cheap room in Port Aransas, which we love. We haven't been there since Mal was newly two years old. But then I thought about how many people would likely be there, and how enjoying the beach when it's empty is so much fun. So I canceled that and pulled up the "camps" I'd saved earlier this year when I was doing research for "staycations."

It just so happened that I was able to book a lodge room a Jellystone Hill Country. A lot of the activities and amenities were curtailed due to CDC guidelines (the arcade, indoor activities like dance parties and crafts, etc.), but the park was open, and, importantly, so was the pool. Yes, rain was forecasted for the whole weekend. But, whatever. It was a chance to get away for a few days, so we went for it.

In a couple of days before the trip, I received a call that the lodge room I'd booked was still undergoing refurbishing, and would I mind being moved to a Cindy Bear Cottage? MORE room, a private fire ring (rather than a common one for all 4 lodge rooms) and a covered patio? At the same price? Yes, please!

This is Lodge Room 17, still very much in progress.

On Friday, we drove to my sister's, which is a little less than half way between our house and the park. Sarah fractured her wrist and likely a rib when she got into a (very heavy) bicycle accident, so we took them some lunch and they lent us their marshmallow-roasting skewers, then we headed out.

We got to the park two hours before check-in, but they let us go ahead and get our golf cart, and even though it was HOT, we enjoyed looking around and getting familiar with the park until we could get into our cabin.

In order to maintain "social distancing" at the pool, they were only allowing 43 people to swim for a two-hour stretch, after which they emptied the area for fifteen minutes and did a complete cleaning of all surfaces. Knowing this, we reserved the 5-7 slot as soon as we got checked in. Then we were ready to check out the cabin!

It was nice. There was "room" for 8 people to sleep: a queen-sized bed in the "bedroom," a full-sized futon, two mini-twins in a bunk room, and two twin beds up in the loft. We've stayed in a cabin with a loft before, in New Braunfels, and Mal and I almost sweat to death. In these cabins, there's a separate window unit upstairs. We didn't sleep up there, and probably couldn't have because the a/c was on its way out and quite noisy, but it did keep the cabin much cooler during the day (and we turned it off at night). I wouldn't recommend traveling with 8 people and staying in one of these cabins, though, because it was tight just with three of us. Still... more room than I'd paid for, so, yay!

We swam for nearly the whole of our two hours, and, man, it was NICE only having to share with a few dozen people!

They were limiting guests at their bounce pillow to 4 at a time, with blue taped squares on the pad to space people out... but two brothers left as soon as Mal got there, so he was able to enjoy it all on his own.

We went back to the room and ate snacks we'd brought (James ate gas station food because he realized that everything in town shuts down as soon as people can't rent tubes anymore), watched TV, and took a few golf car rides to see how the campsites looked in the dark.

Saturday morning, I got up and went into town to get breakfast. I left the park right before 8, when the restaurant was opening, and noticed some people sitting outside of the ranger station... we'll get to that in a few minutes.

I had read about the Wildflour Artesan Bakery and Grill before we left, and it did not disappoint. We got: Hill Country Tenderloin Hash (crispy hash browns topped with pan-seared tenderloin tips, onions, bell peppers, 2 eggs your way topped with hollandaise and green onion), Hill Country Omelet (venison sausage, duck bacon, tomatoes, sautéed onions, and smoked provolone), and for Mal a pancake with scrambled egg.

When I got back, there were many MANY more people at the ranger station. It was 8:30. I had breakfast with James, then went over at about 5 'til 9, when the station opened. By the time I got to the front, the only swim times left were 9-11 AM, or 6-7:30 PM. I booked us for 6, and we spent the whole day listening to Mal ask when we were going swimming.

Well, not ALL day. We also did a scavenger hunt.

We had a picnic with food from the Pic-a-Nik Basket on-site... at our covered patio seating! That's also not something we would have gotten if we'd rented the lodge. As you can see from the scavenger hunt picture above, there are tables, but they're just out on the lawn. It was VERY hot when the sun was out, and super nice to have a shady place to eat. Oh, we got a fabulous pulled pork southwest "salad" (I guess the salad part was the beans and corn? Anyway, it was GOOD), a "grown-up" grilled cheese with tomatoes and bacon, and loaded waffle fries.

We also played with the Plus Plus set Mal had picked out from the ranger station, and we played a few rounds of Slap Jack and the Matching Game from a set of 6 different kids' card games we bought just for the trip.

We were told that we could check in at the pool to see if anyone had left and there was room for new swimmers. We tried 4 times, but no one was heading out early. Mal wore his bathing suit a great portion of the day, though, and we did get ourselves wet at the sluice, which was refreshing in its own right.

Finally, it was almost 6! We went down to the ranger station to watch for the cleaning crew to take off. Then we crossed the street and Mal ran ahead, eager to be the first in. He somehow tripped over or slipped on or lost his balance coming off of a speed bump and landed face-first on the concrete. He scraped his nose a little and his philtrum a lot. He also scraped up his left elbow, and his top teeth gouged a hole inside his upper lips. He was bleeding from the gums, and he said that his teeth were loose.

The staff was great! One guy ran into the restaurant to get us an ice pack (which I knew Mal would refuse). The other ushered us into the restaurant bathroom so I could clean up the blood and assess the damage. Turns out he was an EMT, and looked at Mal's lip when we were calmed down and back outside. He said that it was all superficial and he'd be fine.

Meanwhile, I was super hoping he'd maybe knock those two front teeth out. One of the caps has come a little loose so is wonky. I think we had the worst dentist, and I'm ready for the work she did to be out of his face hole. It's almost time, so it wouldn't have been more than a year or so until new teeth grew in. Oh well. I'm glad he's fine.

And we were off to the pool, where he quickly forgot that he'd gotten hurt at all, even though his upper lip was swollen for the night.

The next morning, guess who walked up to the ranger station at 8:15? While I was waiting, I learned that, although the ranger station opened at 9:00 AM, they were taking reservations starting at 8:30. I got us a prime spot at 11:15. So far, the thunderstorms predicted for the whole weekend hadn't panned out, though it did rain heavily for about 2 minutes twice before we swam. It just made the water even cooler, and we got plenty of vitamin D.

I left a few minutes before James and Mal did, so I could take a shower in the comfort station. We had a shower in our bathroom, but it was small and I also didn't want to steam up the cabin. At about 2:00 PM, we went...

... right back to the Wildflour because their food had been so amazing. This is the first time we've eaten together inside a restaurant since the middle of March, when it had seemed a little weird that IHOP was dispensing syrup via your waiter rather than allowing customers to touch the containers and risk contamination. It was very spaced out, and there were only 4 tables inside the dining room. We had been willing to sit wherever, but were indoors.

James got Geraldine's Tomato Pie (puff pastry filled with layers of tomato, white cheddar, parmesan cheese) with a side of white cheddar poblano soup, I had the salmon burger (house-smoked salmon blended with onion & bell pepper complimented with chipotle aioli, lettuce, tomato on a toasted cheddar jalapeno bun), and Mal got chicken tenders with fries. We ended up taking home, respectively as above, blueberry cheesecake, cheesecake, and chocolate cake. James and I had ours for breakfast before leaving Monday morning. Did not disappoint.

Back at the park, we got some wood and planned to have a campfire. It was the coolest day so far, and thus seemed an appropriate time to try to make some s'mores.

Shortly after James roasted his second marshmallow, the promised deluge arrived, and we slept to the tune of thunder and downpour all night.

This morning, we took our time clearing out, drove around one last time, and turned in our golf cart. Then we drove over to Canyon Lake Dam to check that out. Mal was not happy to have to walk around at all, but it was pretty nonetheless.

Dam side.

Back side.

Beach. We did not make it down there. See above.

Finally, on our way out, we stopped at a hydroelectric station on the Guadalupe. It was gorgeous, and we were chased to our car by heavy rain. Perfect ending to a great little getaway!

SPEAKING OF SPENDING MONEY...

Hey-o! Guess what I'm doing right now?

Blogging.

Ha, yeah, smart aleck. Guess what else.

Give up?

Okay, I'm sitting in the BK inside of Walmart waiting for my tire repair or replacement... not sure which, so it's very suspenseful. Or it will be in an hour and a half; it really just depends on when they get to it. But truthfully, I'm glad they are able to get to it today. It's 4:30 and they close at 6, so we got it in just under the wire.

Not sure what happened to the tire, but I heard it deflating in our driveway when I was outside emptying the back to go wash and vacuum it. I just thought I was hearing a neighbor in his workshop using some kind of air pump. Sigh.

I got down to the stop sign leading to the highway when I realized that the steering was hard and that I heard gravel scrape when I took off, which isn't normal.

I did use my tire pump -- Did we discuss that? I bought one because my tires like to sigh a few pounds of pressure when it drops below freezing -- but as soon as I removed the air pump, the tire started deflating again.

THEN we tried to take the tire off so I could bring it in the other car, but those lug nuts were ON.

Oh, funny story: I also found, as I looked for the repair stuff to remove the tire, that my car CAME WITH A REPAIR PUMP. So I guess I'm giving mine to James, and I don't feel nearly as clever anymore, and I've wasted probably $15 on pay-air, as well as many minutes looking for a pump that would take a credit card.

Oh well. Again, the timing was pretty good because James is home and can stay with Mal, and because it didn't happen when the car was parked at the airport and we were out of town or something.

But also, it PROBABLY happened because I drove over something that is a result of all of the construction around my house. If that ends up being the case, I'm going to take a circuitous route home until they're done. They're usually really good about cleaning up, though, so that might be a coincidence.

We got out this morning to go to "brunch" at Mighty Fine. I tried their fried avocado burger. OH MY GOODNESS. Yes, get it all the way, even with the jalapeño mayo. SO delicious.

We'd taken separate cars so I could get D's Christmas present. You'd be surprised, but it fit in my wee Fiat 500L.

1) Yes, I know my car is dirty. I was on my way to wash and vacuum it when I realized the tire was flat.

2) Either it's just SUPER HOT AND HUMID or I'm having my first hot flash today. This morning, it was in the mid-60s, but felt so so gross. I'd dressed for like actual fall, and had a flannel shirt on over this tank top. I shed the flannel at the restaurant, took off my socks, and rolled up my jeans so they looked like pedal-pushers. I'm sure I look like a dork all the time, but I refuse to be uncomfortable. I don't see how kids who wear hoodies all of the time manage. I was about to freak out.

After grabbing the bike at Target, I went to Kohl's to pick up my free clothes. Yeah, you heard me. Remember the air fry oven thing we bought? I got $45 Kohl's cash back for purchasing it and ordered a few shirts online. I elected to pick them up at the store to save the $8 shipping, but NEVER AGAIN. This was easily one of the worst retail experiences I've had in a long time.

I placed the order, got the notice that my stuff was in, and went to pick it up. Apparently, they only had 2 of the items that I'd ordered for same-day pickup. Two were actually out of stock and canceled, and one was being shipped to the store. Well, duh. I wouldn't have gone to pick it up if I'd known there was more, and probably would have canceled the order altogether.

Also, when I went to pick it up, they'd moved the pick-up area away from the customer service desk and into the middle of men's sportswear, where there was nothing but a VERY mobile stand that Mal could barely look at or it would zoom across the carpet. The lady wasn't super enthusiastic about retrieving my order, and it took long enough that I easily could have just shopped myself.

Regardless, I went home and ordered two more shirts to replace the ones that had been canceled. I got one pick-up notice immediately, but had learned my lesson. It took a week, but then I got a notice for the second one... only. And a few days later, the third. So I went in today, and waited for my turn (they're extremely busy, as you might imagine... also, they've moved pick-up back to the customer service desk), and found out... THEY CAN ONLY SCAN ONE BARCODE AND PICK UP ONE THING AT A TIME.

Like, I get if I'd made a bunch of orders that I'd get multiple pick-up emails and have to deal with it. But initially, I only made ONE order, which resulted in FOUR DIFFERENT pick-up times and emails. So this woman scanned my first one, went back to get it. Her counterpart scanned my next one and went back to get IT. Then when she got back, she scanned my third. He brought the last two up, and I asked if he'd informed her. I imagine he did not and she's still back there searching for my shirt.

What is wrong with you, Kohl's? This is not a way to do business. $8 for shipping seems like a bargain now. Maybe that was the point?

I'd planned to go by World Market to get the rest of the kids' stocking-stuffers, since we'll be busy and traveling soon so this is my last time alone to prepare for Christmas. But I was so hot and irritated, I went home to put on shorts and then go wash/vacuum the car and hit Dollar General, which has the LEGO-esque gummy bricks that Mal loves. I was going to go to the drug store for James, too... but, tire squash.

Don't be jealous of my relaxing Sunday. I'm just glad I got so much sleep last night; I was ready.

Also, after having eaten that avocado sandwich, I don't feel like I'll ever be hungry again.

OH! Update on the septic: We didn't build over it. It's basically ON the property line, which should mean it wouldn't pass inspection, but it did. Maybe it got grand-fathered? Anyway, we're pouring root kill down it every three months now because where it is is ridiculous. The end.

ALSO, also... there's a lady here I often see at the McDonald's across the way. I suspect she's maybe homeless, and she's also extremely clean. But her clothes are worn in a way that it seems like she'd replace them if she could. I've tried to speak with her before, but she's quiet. It might just be that she's lonely. About half the time, she sits in the kids' area at the McD's, which I'd never do on purpose if I didn't have a children. I've dropped off gift cards to her before, but wish I could think of a better way to reach out. Any ideas?

An Electronic Anniversary

Facebook Mobile has been reminding me all week that today is James' and my anniversary (Facebook Online has remained oddly quiet about it). It's actually a pretty silly anniversary, to be honest. But I'll take it.

Last year, I went to visit James in Tulsa the second weekend in June. Our communication over the years has been spotty but consistently present. But the weeks leading up to my seeing him had me concerned about him. And I was heart-deep in nearly a full year of heartbreak; I needed to get out of town and reconnect with an old friend.

After that weekend, James contacted me and requested one more visit before I moved to Austin. He came to see me and also interviewed for jobs in Dallas while he was in Sherman. After having spent the better part of a week together, getting reacquainted, we realized that we were becoming pretty special to each other.

When James got home from that trip, we were chatting online and I mentioned that it'd be funny to change our Facebook statuses; James was game. And that was June 24, 2012.

It's been an eventful year!

Since the last time our Earth was in this position relative to the sun, James and I have become best friends. We have fallen in love. We have shared stories, and laughed a whole lot, and cried a little.

We have wrestled with setting boundaries for a relationship with a person who was coming from a completely different mindset. Stunned, I have said, at least twice, "If this is the reality, then we need to break this off right now." James has sat in Dallas traffic the morning after one of "those" talks and asked himself, "Do I really want to be involved with someone who has this many needs?" We have compromised and found common ground, and gained more in the process than either of us had ever imagined.

We have cooked together, and learned together, and made cheese and made a home. We have moved James twice (including once in August with just the two of us!) and me once. We have maintained a long-distance relationship.

We have faced down scars together, and carried each other's baggage, and jettisoned some of those bags over a cliff.

We have explored Deep Ellum together, and have become enamored with Austin together. I have met some of James' family and have become reacquainted with others. James has seamlessly become a part of my Texas family. I have met James' friends, and he has met mine; we have developed new mutual friends, and have reconnected with old high school buddies. We have visited the Texas coast, and another country, and a couple of Buc-ees.

We planned the simplest and most fun wedding ever, we got married, and long before that, we were a family. We merged households. James bought fully into parenting, and we are partners in home and family management. We know our strengths, we contribute as well as we can, and we forgive each other's foibles. We made a baby together, and we lost that baby. We have seen each other healthy and happy, and we have trudged through each other's injuries and illnesses.

We are for each other. We are for us. We have come a long way in a year, and I am extremely grateful that I have every year for the rest of my life to live with this man. I love him dearly, I respect him completely, and I am over-the-moon happy that I get to be with my best friend every single day.

Happy silly little anniversary, James.

Alec Hilliard Photography

The Good...

It's interesting how freaked out/almost negative my first reaction to the positive pregnancy test was. But then James was so happy, and it was contagious. Of course, over the past month, we'd developed some ideas and hopes and plans. And to see those die on the vine, so to speak, is really sad. Or it will be sad. I think I'm actually in denial or shock right now, so I'm not feeling much.

However, there are a couple of really good things that have come out of this experience. The first is that I've lost some weight. The second is that I'm not on any medication. For both of those, I'm grateful.

Hmm...

Today would be the day I would start my period if I were to do that, and I think I'm spotting a little bit. I did not last month. But I'm not panicking. Yet.

An Interesting Timeframe

Something I realized this morning: Because of the way pregnancy is dated, as of today, I am considered to be exactly 7 weeks pregnant. I have been married exactly 7 weeks, 1 day. Nice, huh?

This is, the baby wasn't conceived until a couple of weeks later, around Tax Day. But doctors calculate from the first day of the last period, since people rarely know the exact date of conception.

It's amazing to me to think that we might have a child before our first anniversary.

On Being an Old Lady

It's graduation season. Many of my friends on Facebook, contemporaries of mine from various schools, are posting congratulations to their kids who are finishing up high school. I have more than a couple of friends who, in their early 40s, are already grandparents. And here I am, newly-wed and knocked up!

(My mom's going to cringe at that statement.)

This morning, I had to clean up some cat sick (you're welcome for sharing) and realized that, because of my back, sitting in the floor and bending over is difficult. I need to work on the Asian technique of squatting, because that's likely going to have to be my M.O. for diaper-changing, if my disc doesn't magically un-rupture, or dissolve, or whatever it is that it might do.

I'm a lot more laid back this time around, even with the injury and the age and the meds. I've done enough research to feel like everything is going to be fine. And so even though this wasn't planned, I'm excited. Even though, if all goes well, I'll be nearly 60 before this child leaves the home, I'm really honored to be able to give this experience to James, to share it with him.

The initial week of my knowing I was pregnant was so much more relaxed than my first. I have re-read my blog recently, and I was so nervous, worried about income and support. This time is so much more laid-back.

I have often said that I knew, 20 minutes after Daphne was born, that she would be my only. James is the absolutely ONLY man on this planet for whom I would change my mind.

The View as an Only Child

You might be wondering how Daphne is taking all of this. Well, it varies.

James tried to distract her when I was checking out at CVS, but because they messed up my inhaler prescription, we had to stand around and wait a while, so she saw that I was buying a pregnancy test. She cried most of the way home, even when we stopped at a food trailer and bought her a peanut butter shake.

The next morning, I took the pregnancy test and it was positive. Daphne forgot about it for the first hour or so that she was awake. When she found out, she was petulant about it. Daphne has always taken pride in her "only child" status. I reminded her that it's early, I'm old, and anything can happen.

We had a good day, walking to Whole Foods together, hanging out with the Brownies, going shopping, and seeing a movie together. We talked about it on and off all day. By yesterday morning, Daphne had reached the, "Okay, but if you have any OTHER kids after this, I'm going to be pissed," phase.

Last night, though, she said something that caused a blow-out. We were in my room talking, I'd had her get off of the computer and iPad for the rest of the day, and she was sullen. She said, "I wish it were just you and me in the trailer again." Well, we're a family, and that's not okay. I took a minute to think about it and asked her what she wanted. She couldn't tell me.

A few minutes later, I was sitting on the bed crying alone when James came to check on me. Daphne went into her room and locked the door.

The day before, she's made a comment about how, every time our lives get comfortable, something changes. I assured her that this was a facet of life. Everything always changes. She said that she knew that, but I know that this is rocking her world in a way that nothing else she's been through (and she's been through quite a bit in the past couple of years).

After James sat with me for a few minutes, I told him that I was trying to walk the line between not wanting Daphne to be selfish and manipulative, and giving her the space to feel this and be honest. I went into her room and he kind of hung out, waiting to see if she wanted him to come in or not.

I talked to her a bit, but then I asked her to let me hold her like I did until she was about 7 or 8, and we did that for nearly an hour. We talked some more, and James came in and told her about how he'd been really excited about having a younger sibling, but once Khrys got here, he was pretty much an irritation. James said that it took him until high school to realize how much he loved and appreciated his brother, and how now, he's the surest friend he's ever had (before me :) ).

James went back to leave us to "girl stuff" and we talked for a long time. I told her why I'd made some of the decisions I had, and how fortunate we were to have a man who loved us both. I told her that if she really *did* wish we were still "just us," I hoped she'd try to change that. In my heart of hearts, I didn't believe that was true. But I also didn't want her to start resenting James because "he" has brought in this life-changer.

Earlier in the day, James and I had already talked about each taking one day every other month to go out alone with Daphne, and that we will do that for the next year, then continue to do it after/if the baby comes. He was totally down with the idea.

In the end, Daphne was better, and I was better, and James is pretty easy-going all of the time, anyway. D wanted to show me a picture she'd drawn on the computer, and then she had James look at a programming issue she was having, and which he solved. Then we started talking about software for the Bamboo drawing pad that her dad bought her. As she was exploring those options, she found an updated version of what she's been using, and was thrilled that it has been updated and its functionality increased.

I went to the bedroom to read, and after half an hour or so started getting pretty sleepy. James and Daphne were still chatting animatedly in the living room, so I took my nerve pills and let myself go to sleep. I usually go to bed the same time James does, but I didn't want to ask him to stop what he was doing; whatever she was telling him about, Daphne was pretty excited. I usually prefer quiet when I'm drifting off to sleep, but that was a pretty awesome sound.

Post the First

So, here we are. This is the "new" blog. I got married just over a month ago. I will soon be changing my last name (we're waiting to get back from a passport-required trip, to ease things on ourselves). The URL of my former private blog doesn't fit anymore, so we're moving operations over here. Plus, Wordpress has an annoying inability to be monetized, and once people realize what brilliance my blogs are, it's millionaire city! Right? Right??

However, if you're reading this, it's either because you have a Blogger profile and this popped up in your feed, or because you're a dirty stalker, in which case you need to step aside, ma'am. I have that market cornered, so don't even try to go there with me.

The reason I'm not publicizing this blog yet is that I'm about to reveal something I'm not ready to tell people. Apparently, within a couple of weeks of getting married, I became pregnant. I don't know whether it is my age or the amount of stress under which my body has been or even the meds I started on at about the same time, but I honestly just did not think that this was a very likely possibility. When I decided to have Daphne, back when I was much younger, it took more than six months.

Now, here I am 40 and with a jacked up back, but partnered up with the dearest and truest man I've ever known. I'm nervous, and maybe a bit in shock-related denial.

I already started compiling a list of OB/GYNs I've had recommended to me as viable alternatives to midwifery, for which I do not qualify because of my high-risk status. In fact, I might already have found my doctor. The delivery hospital is fewer than 3 miles from my house, so that's nice.

Part of me, however, can't help but wonder how likely it is that we'll make it to the hospital for a "standard" delivery. That's not just about my age, either... I think I had those same concerns the first time around. At least this time, I know better than to obsess over the delivery (first time: mystery; this time: sciatic mystery, but I realized that should have been the *least* of my concerns).

Also, if I do end up being a 41-year-old mother, I am pretty sure I'll be a lot more laid back than I was the first time. I mean, I've always had a laid-back parenting style, but I was overwhelmed by books and La Leche League and feeling like D needed to be stimulated in order to grow up "smart." I know better now.

I'm also cautiously excited. This is James' first kid. I look forward to walking through the process with him.

I've often said that I knew 20 minutes after Daphne was born that she'd be my only child. I can't imagine loving anyone else enough to renege on that. But James is totally worth it.